


Mad Men

by warschach



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Blood and Torture, Dreams vs. Reality, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, FBI agent Eren, Graphic Description, M/M, Mental Instability, Mind Games, Minor Erwin Smith/Eren Yeager, Moral Ambiguity, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Drama, alternate universe - FBI/Police, serial killer Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-17 19:49:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2321261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warschach/pseuds/warschach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger has been a part of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit for the past five years, but soon he undertakes a case that will unnerve him and make him question everything he stood for all because of the monster before him, Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well I debated for a while if I should put this fic up, I wasn't too sure if anyone would be interested in it but lately I got major inspiration to write this again. So here it is, please mind the tags child abuse will be referenced and told (from Levi POV). But I will not write the sexual abuse, it a sore spot for me but it is implied. So this is heavy on the dialogue between Eren and Levi. There is smut here but it is not ereri, it eruren (did i spell that right?). it very small for those who don't like the pairing. I will write ereri smut but it gonna happen a lil later. don't worry too much about the eruren, things will happen. also the narrative will be a bit odd b/c it will give brief glimpses from Levi's childhood but they are short but significant. everything will be mainly from Eren's POV  
> Levi has already been arrested so this isn't a murder mystery but the story of his childhood and his killings. this should be a short fic with few but lengthy chaps, maybe 7 chapters or so.

He had always been able to see them. It could probably be due to the fact he was one of them. The persona and façade they built were enough to fool their family, their neighbors, even the cops. But Levi saw them-the wolves that prayed on others. Even as a child, he sensed it.  It driven him mad how easily they fooled the world, how effortlessly they manipulated everyone into believing their lie. People were so blinded so simply by words and appearances.

He wasn’t one to be, though.

He found another similar to him years ago as a boy. The neighborhood he occupied was a close knitted one. Everyone knew each other and rumors were quick to spread at times. The kids on the block all played together at the park. It was a heavy tragedy when a little girl went missing. She had been the first and everyone was at a loss of who could’ve taken her. The community banded, searching late through the night with the police department, desperate to bring the girl back, along with the security and safety that they once felt. It was a month later that they found her tiny body in the forest preserves, skin peeled away like paper.

Questions were raised; the forest park was not too far from the community, meaning it had to be one of the residents there. But who?  The police went door to door, a notepad and pen in hand, each time they answered the door with rehearsed questions. They came to Levi’s house and his father allowed the officers in the house. Occupying the living room, Levi watched far from the staircase, the wall had obstructed his view but the voices carried out perfectly.

“I wish I could help you,” his father voice carried out into the hall. Of course he did, he was once a cop. His glory days were years behind it but retirement didn’t wash away who he was. A man of the force. He would be one until the day he died, maybe that why his hand never left the bottle. Maybe that’s why whenever a furniture was an inch out of place, Levi met his hand. He had no control over the forces that lost him his job so he would have control in the one thing he still owned: Levi. 

“For someone to do that to a…to a little girl…” Levi never heard his father speak so emotionally. His voice tight and caught by rage and sorrow. So even his father could cry- it was nearly an amusing thought.

“That’s why we came to you, LT,” the office spoke, leaning forward in the chair. He was still young, new to the force therefore new to the harrowing world of homicide. Officer Hoover. He had been introduced once to Levi, he was far too tall to be human and too sweaty.  Levi refused outright to shake that flighty hand when it was offered to him. His father made sure Levi knew what manners were after that.

“Don’t call me that, kid, I’m not who I used to be.” He dismissed the title, looking between his hands.

No. He was worse. An abusive monster. But no one really believed a child over a police officer. Snitches get stiches his father told him.

“Sorry, Mr. Ackerman. We just hope you saw anything that could help us with this case. The stories are running the same and we can’t find any holes.”

“Maybe the suspect isn’t in the neighborhood. It wouldn’t be the first time for a murderer to dump a body far from where he lives.”

Tiny fists clenched around the stairs railing, he was almost propelled to bang his head against the wooden pillars, these men couldn’t be so stupid. His own father at least. The killer had been there all along, right in front of everyone; how was everyone so fucking blind? Why was it that only he saw him? His eyes traveled after all the girls. Dark. Ominous. Cold. Frightening. They were alive whenever he struck a conversation with them in front of the parents, feigning to drink tea from the girls’ little pink plastic cup.  Everyone watched with fondness and adoration but Levi wanted to puke at the sight.

“Daddy…” Somehow his feet moved on their own accord, padding slowly down the stair case till they muffled on the carpeted floor. Instantly, his father’s cold glare met Levi’s soft eyes. They warned him but Levi wanted to tell them. No more little girls should have to die. Only dogs like him deserve a brutal death.

His father stiffened in his seat, lips screwing into a forced smile. To the officers sitting across his father, it looked like any father and son moment.  As a cop, Kenny Ackerman was well trained in keeping up appearances.

“Levi. I thought I told you not to disturb us,” he chided gently, but Levi heard it. He heard how the words masked on the illusion of fatherly love. It was almost enough for Levi to believe it.

“I know who did it,” Levi turned to the officers, appearing even more boyish and young in his striped pajamas.

Officer Hoover smiled sweetly, pivoting in his seat to face the little boy. He thought it was endearing how Levi always tried to assist with their cases. The boy knew a sense of justice and he had the strong need like his father to see those who did wrong to be punished. He always entertained his theories, whether they were far-fetched or odd, but Levi spoke of them with conviction and self-assurance. He wondered how a kid could see and know so much.

“Levi. I won’t tell you again.” Kenny festered in his chair, fingers digging into the armrests to stop himself from smacking the boy.

Officer Hoover waved disarmingly to Kenny, “No. It’s alright. I like to hear what he has to say.”

“I’m sorry. Levi is a stubborn boy.” Kenny explained, trying to draw attention away from him. “He thinks he knows these things about killers. I’m honestly considering getting him professional help. Don’t take what he says too seriously.”

“Please don’t apologize. I, for one, think Levi is much more talented than you give him credit for.”

No, Levi thought, you will only make him angrier. He caught it in the way his father flinched like if he was struck. The brown eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he masked it- annoyance, rage, envy.

“Very well, Levi,” he flinched when those eyes fixated on him, devoid of emotion, “Tell them who did it.” Levi shivered the way he sneered the last statement. It was a challenge.  He wanted to see how far he would go to disobey him, Levi knew that much. But he was presenting an exit, one last chance to cop out. One chance before he decided to mark his back with angry red welts.

But what could he do? Let the monster get away so he could snatch up another victim and repeat the process over and over till nothing was left. He could handle another day of pain. If that’s what it took to stop the slaughter, then he paid the price ten times over.  He spared one glance at his father, giving the slightest shake of his head and faced the officer.

“Nile Dawk.”

Blue suites marched out the door, turning left down the block to the following house, Nile’s house. Levi watched them from the porch, the afternoon sunset basking the lime colored house with a haunting shadow. The two police officer walked up the steps, small pocket sized notepads in hand once again. They knocked and a few short moments later, Nile answered the door, mimicking an aghast expression on his face. It was conceiving even from his porch; Lev could almost believe the man was distraught by the news. The trick were the eyes, they never fully portrayed the emotion perfectly. That was the thing about killers- they couldn’t feel anything. Not like everyone else, they became spectators in their own bodies.

“Levi. To the basement…Now.” A worn hand clamped tightly on his shoulder, threatening to break the bone. Levi grimaced and bit back the spark of pain, observing the police officers entering the household. Nile held his eyes just before closing the door on his prying eyes, a knowing smirk twisted in place.

 

[x]

 

“Be careful, Eren – Levi’s much more dangerous than he appears.” Those were his partner, Erwin Smith’s final words before he entered the room.

The downpour sounded heavily within the confined interrogation room, light speared through the dark space splashing the room in a brilliant white. Levi sat in the seat, cuffed securely to the bolted metal table. The infamous serial killer has finally been capture due to the clever and impulsive FBI agent, Eren Jaeger. The agent sat parallel from the killer, a camera stationed on a tripod recorded their conversation. This was the final step in persecuting Levi Ackerman to a life sentence or hopefully the death penalty. Eren’s job was to extract as much information as possible from the murderer and develop a dossier on him, but it was a dangerous game to play with a criminal mind like Levi.

Levi settled in his chair, callous slivery-blue eyes taking in the rather docile looking young agent. Levi Ackerman.  Humanity’s Deadliest, popular tabloids dubbed him; a man with over 30 plus deaths staining his hands. Hands that were surprisingly soft and devoid of signs of heavy labor, Eren learned that apprehending him the night before. Levi didn’t strike him as a killer- which what probably allowed him to avoid detection for so long. True, his scornful countenance didn’t exactly invoke friendly vibes from the man but that hardly painted anyone as a murderer.

Levi stared blankly at the foam cup of coffee. Black, because Levi requested two soups of sugar and creamer and Eren was not in the accommodating mood at the moment.

“You’re not thirsty?” the agent questioned lightly, a ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips.

Levi blinked, freeing himself from his mindless stupor. “That’s not it.”

“Oh?” Eren tried not to give away the enjoyment he was having at Levi’s expense.

“I don’t take it black, Agent Jaeger,” he answered.

Eren looked thoughtfully at the steaming cup, tendrils of smoke warped upwards before dissipating in the air. “Sorry. I must have forgotten- it’s been a long day.” In all honesty, Eren wasn’t in the least apologetic, Levi has caused him more than enough grieve for the three months.

“That’s fine,” Levi mumbled; omnipotent steely blue eyes regarded Eren with an unreadable look, “It’s an honest mistake. You must be tired, though.”

Eren tsk at the man, throwing his one arm nonchalantly behind his seat. His last statement sounded too close to mockery. “I’ve worked longer hours. This is child’s play compared to my other cases.”

Levi gave a small smile, as if he wasn’t some sociopath who butchered people into tiny pieces of meat. Eren averted his eyes, watching the rain that pelted against the window; he didn’t like the uneasy feelings that smile gave him: the terrible sensation of butterflies rumbling nervously in his stomach.

“I guess that’s true. The Titan case was strenuous on you.”

Hastily he whipped his head back to him, Eren watched Levi with narrowed eyes; information on the cases he worked on was not public knowledge. So how did this guy know of his involvement?

“You’re pretty smart,” he gritted the words carefully. The last thing he needed to do what let Levi know he was getting under his skin. Killers like him enjoyed turning the tables on others, unnerving and breaking a strong will was an enticing game.

“I would rate myself as a man with average intelligence, Agent Jaeger,” Levi replied, “But I’m quite inept at knowing about my prey.” Eren shuddered at the dark tone that caressed his name like a lover’s embrace. He was sickened when his heart fluttered for a second. It was one thing to be jarred by Levi’s wealth of information but for him to shiver like a school boy invited disturbing theories about his own psyche.

Eren needed something to pull him from those slivery blue eyes. So he plucked the steaming cup. The coffee was still hot, it nearly burnt his tongue, but Eren needed something to gain focus once again. It was a trap, he knew it. A ploy to make him feel unsettled, to wonder how much information he had on him. But he wasn’t going to bite. 5 years as an FBI agent had taught him many invaluable lesson in dealing with psychopaths.

“Are you going to dick me around or can we talk about how you dispose of the bodies?” Asperity colored his tone; Eren needed to gain control of the situation quickly.

“The Titan killer left permanent scar on the left side of your chest, didn’t he?” Levi inquired, eyes drinking in Eren’s form. Even with a black button down shirt and faded jeans, Eren felt exposed. Those eyes seeming to mapped out the pattern of the raised tissue of flesh.

“Hey, are you going to ignore me?” Eren spat harshly, rising out of his seat. The chair squealed loudly at the swift motion and the liquid in their cups swirled.

“I would never do that,” Levi disputed.

“Then answer me,” the strung out FBI agent demanded as his palms slapped on the metallic table. This was no good, Eren had lost all control of the conversation and now his self-control was next.

“You should be careful,” Levi noted as he inclined his head at Eren’s right shoulder, a dark stain was soaking the fabric. “That wound is fresh.”

“You don’t fucking say,” Eren jeered, “I wonder who is responsible for that?!”

A buzz filtered into the room, Agent Erwin Smith stood in the threshold. “Agent Jaeger, I need to discuss something with you in private.”

Eren slumped slightly, pressing himself away from the desk and into the hallway with Erwin. The iron door closed behind them, obstructing Levi’s eye from his prey. He hadn’t realized how suffocating that room was until he reached the other side, gulping gallons of air as if he just resurfaced from a deep dive.  He leaned against a wall that put as much distance between him and Levi. It would be impossible for Levi to reach him in any physical sense, the wall were 5 inches thick of concrete and metal. But his presence penetrated through all those barriers like tissue paper.

He dealt with his fair share of serial killers, so what made Levi so different? How could he affect Eren so effortlessly?

Erwin observed Eren, giving him a moment to collect himself. He was in the other room, watching the exchange through the double sided mirror, Eren hadn’t acted like that since he first started working as an agent. It disturbed Erwin when Eren became so rattled.

“You’re going need stitches again,” Erwin noted.

“Shit.” And suddenly he felt it, the burning and the ache in his shoulder whenever he moved it too harshly. He hadn’t even notice the sting of pain or the blood damping his shirt earlier, but now he couldn’t bite back a groan of discomfort.

“I swear you’d break every bone in your body if I didn’t keep an eye on you.”

Fluorescent light lined along the ceiling, coloring the narrow hall in a harsh white light. It made the planes of Ewrin’s face look sharp, like the skin was pulled too tightly over his skull. He had elegantly angular face; it gave him the appearance of a runaway model even though Erwin wasn’t photogenic in the least.

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, Erwin was always there, scolding him whenever he acted to rashly. He lectured him endlessly about protocol and about the integrity of the mission and his crew till all Eren could compute case numbers.

“You do more than just watch,” Eren said teasingly.

Erwin closed the distance between them, surrounding Eren with his scent. His chest pressed Eren against the wall and a spark of desire tingled down his spine. “Careful, Agent Jaeger. We aren’t alone.”

“Let’s find somewhere private then.” Eren grabbed a hold of his tie, pulling the man face toward his.

Erwin chuckled, lips hovering over Eren’s, pressing him away when he leaned in for a kiss. “Hospital first.”

[x]

The following morning begun like any other after the apprehension of the suspect, there was a calm that blanketed over the agents. The night prior wasn’t spent hunched over a desk in an empty office, Eren slept peacefully –for a moment- after his trip to Trost Medical Center. The nurse, Sasha Bruas, had been kind enough to stitch Eren up to by-pass an hour wait. Eren was restless though, Levi’s word scratched at the back of his mind, so he slipped out of his lover’s embrace at 6 in the morning.  Committing himself to read over the police report of the items taken into custody at Levi’s residence, coffee in one hand, he scanned the list. Several of the murder tools were discovered in the crawl space of his basement along with a reasonable amount of information of Eren Jaeger and Erwin Smith.

Levi read over the case file of the Titan killer, his most recent and most challenging cases. One that landed Eren in the fray of things, the killer had been aware of Eren’s movements the moment he took over the case from the NYPD.  Eren was impatient then, cocky, and fueled by the burning need for justice and recklessly he got captured. It was thanks to his years in the academy that he was able to loosen the ropes that bind him. The Titan killer found him making his escape and Eren had only one choice: kill or be kill. The killer outdid Eren in size and strength but his gun, still encased in its holster loitered on the table right next to the killer’s tool of choice. He had ten seconds before the killer would close the space between them and Eren surged for his gun, throwing himself out of the killer’s reach and pulled the trigger. Once and the Titan killer staggered slightly and proceeded forward with a machete in hand.  Grappled to the floor, the gun was knocked out his hands and the agent clasped around the hand closing his airways. He choked and his world darkened in the corner of his vision, catching the slight glint that reflected off the machete. Pain speared his chest as a warm pool moistened his shirt. He managed to pry off his hand to land a fist to his jaw, jarring the killer who lost his balance and rolled to his side. The agent crawled forward, acute pain abated by adrenalin and enphorins, his fingertips brushed the handle just as he was dragged back. Eren fried twice and the killer fell to his knees, eyes murderous. He wobbled to his feet again before the agent unloaded the entire clip, tears rolling down his cheeks as the barrel clicked with no more rounds.

It was the first time he was in true danger, but not the last time he took a life.

This caused for alarm in the agent, Levi was privy to this information, meaning he or someone’s he was close to was talented enough to break through the FBI’s firewall and avoid detection for months. Levi was not only brutal but cunning; Eren was beginning to debate entering the negotiation room once again.

“You’re up early,” a drowsy voice brushed his ear.

Eren exhaled a breath he hadn’t realize he was holding. His lover pressed a chaste kiss to Eren’s cheek, arms folding around his torso. “It’s the case,” Eren admitted and Erwin hummed in understanding. “Levi has information about the cases we worked.”

“Eren, if you’re afraid. I can take over, you know I don’t mind.”

He would; Erwin always stepped in whenever Eren was overwhelmed during a confession. That had been during his first year as an agent. It was understandable for Eren to need his superior’s assistance, but he was a veteran now. He couldn’t rely on Erwin to be his pillar of strength his whole career.

“No. I can handle him,” Eren answered, pulling away the strong hands holding him, giving the worn knuckles soft kisses.  “Besides, Levi has an interest in me. I can use that to my advantage.”

“Eren, you know its gets me hard when you’re a manipulative fuck.”

Erwin slipped a hand between Eren’s legs, cotton plaid pajamas with no underwear; he was delighting in his lover’s lack of clothing. He responded quickly to his touch, nearly dropping his cup onto himself.  Eren freed his hands from his paperwork, rearing an arm back to grasp a fistful of blonde hair. He arched his back and opened his legs invitingly.

“So soon?” Eren moaned as Erwin pressed a wet tongue on his neck.

“You’re delicious in the morning. What can I say?”

Eren’s breath was labored and uneven, thrusting into Erwin’s hand. He watched through heavy-lidded eyes as his lover unearthed his cock, already glistening with pre-come. “Ahh..You- can.. say please...”

“Very well, let me fuck you, Agent Eren Jaeger.”

“Fuck,” he hissed, throwing his head back. Erwin closed a hand around the exposed expanse of flesh, latching his lips hungrily over Eren’s as he fisted his lover’s cock faster. His moans were swallowed easily when Erwin prodded a seeking tongue into his mouth.

[x]

Eyes shut and legs crossed on the hard bedding, his cell door opened with an echoing clank. The guard called out to him and Levi stirred in his bunk. Silver irises flashed over to the man holding a pair of cuffs in his left hand, his arm settled on his hip next to the gun holster.

“Do I have a guest today, Mr. Kirstein?”

The bore drawl caused the officer to stiffen his spine, sneering at the prisoner in the orange jump-suit.

“Agent Jaeger is here to see you.”

An impish lilt flared in those ashy eyes as he processed the information, he turned his attention to the blank cell wall in front of him.

[x]

The two agent returned back to the precinct, as soon as they arrived they were greeted and escorted to the negotiation rooms. The officer left them with a goodbye before going back to his duties. Erwin watched Eren who warily eyed the metal door bolted into the hard cement. The blonde brushed his hand over Eren’s.

“Remember get him talking. Use what you can but don’t lose focus. Levi already knows too much about you; do not give him any more than needed.” He let the statement linger for Eren’s consideration.

“I know, sir.”

“I’ll be in the other room.”

Erwin went into the parallel room on the other side of the two-way mirror. Eren sighed, laxing his body as he opened the massive door, shutting it quietly as possible behind him. Levi was already hand cuffed to the metal table and Officer Kirstein lingered in the corner of the room and watched Levi cautiously. Levi tensed at Eren’s presence, eyes trailing the agent as he set up his yellow notepad and recording tape on the table.

“You may leave Officer Kirstein.”

The officer poised a hand near his gun. “Are you sure, Agent Jaeger? He could get out of hand…”

Levi giggled sardonically and faced Kirstein. “I suggest you leave, officer, or things will get out of hand.”

“Fucking psycho,” the two-tone haired police officer seethed, bows knitted in disgust.

“Officer Kirstein, please leave. I’m in no danger.”

He didn’t look conceived in the least, giving Levi another once over, he nodded and left the room. The door shut harshly, echoing in the silence.

“How’s your shoulder, Agent Jaeger?” Levi asked after a moment of shuffling paperwork.

Eren paused, “You mean the wound you inflicted? Fine, I guess. Sorry, I didn’t bring you any coffee but I have some cigs if you want any.” He dropped the pack on the table.

“Considerate, but it’s difficult to smoke if both my hands are cuffed.” Levi tugged at the aforementioned cuffs. “Unless you rather hold it for me.”

“Fuck no, which is your dominant hand?”

“Right.”

He scraped his chair back and circled around to undo the left cuff, the metal banged against the chair, and Levi rubbed the newly free limb, soothing the redness. He took the packet, slapping the bottom to prop out a cigarette; he tossed the pack to the agent.

“Do you have a light?”

“Bit impatient today, aren’t you? You know I don’t have to give you shit, Levi.”

“True but I know you like me, Agent Jaeger,” Levi said and waited for Eren to procedure a lighter and light his cigarette.

“Well if you cooperate today, maybe I’ll bring you actual food next time.” He handed the lighter over to the raven and waited for Levi to take a long drag before sliding it back to Eren. Levi hummed contentedly, slacking in his seat comfortably.

“Free drags, food and a pretty boy to talk to. Almost makes me feel like river dancing.”

“So tell me about your childhood,” Eren hedged, pen in hand.

Levi inhaled deeply; sliding his eyes closed, and then released a fume of whippy smoke. The killer appeared tiny and pale in the orange jumpsuit that swallowed his form. “My father always told me be smarter than the man chasing you.”

It was a random point to start but Eren allowed it. He was at least being open with him. “So you’re dad had an influence on your killing method?”

The raven flicked off the collecting ash, watching in awe as the dirty ash hit the floor. “Indirectly, he was a hunter. So he took me along for the ride. I didn’t get much from it. There was no thrill in killing a prey that couldn’t fight back,” when Eren made no comment, he continued, “You made think otherwise but I didn’t get any joy in strangling puppies or drowning kittens.”

“But you did it, didn’t you?” It was a common tread among serial killers; abuse to animals during the years of childhood.

“For a moment, society doesn’t bat an eye if you gut a dog.” Levi disinterested in the fact.

“It was safe then? It allowed you to explore the feeling of holding another life in your hands,” the agent inferred.

“I suppose.” Levi said simply, depositing another flicker of ash to the floor. There was something strange in his eyes as it hit the floor again like Levi expected a result to occur.

“Tell me about your father.”

Levi almost growled in annoyance. “I thought this was my confession. Not my biography.”

“The profile of a serial killer is about more than their M.O., “ Eren explained.

“Is this some nature vs. nurture bull shit?”

 “You should know, you have a degree in Criminal Justice- psychology comes with the territory.”

“It was a means to an end. I didn’t care much for that shrink crap.”

“So your father…” Eren prodded once more.

Levi stared at him dully. “…He was my father. That’s all to it.” The answer was curt and concise but Eren saw through the vague response. There was much more than he was willing to admit.

“I think there’s more to your relationship than you’re willing to admit.” Levi shifted in his seat, the cuff link rattling as it banged against the table.

The killer eyed the agent warily, darkness lurking beneath the surface. He took a pregnant pause and overlooked Eren pensively. “Was psych your minor?” He finally inquired.

Eren smirked at how quickly Levi worked the pieces together. He would have to request his academic records and gain a better comprehension of his intelligence. “Yes.”

The raven snorted and his demeanor lazed. “Fucking figures. Your types were always the creepy ones.”

Another ploy to divert Eren’s attention, the agent realized and went straight for the jugular. He would have to force him into a response. “You’re directing attention away from the question. Was the relationship abusive?”

Interest blazed in those pools of mercury. “Answer a question for me and I might consider entertaining your suspicion.”

Bargaining? It was option he could take but in put the cards in Levi’s hands once again. “I can’t guarantee an response depending on the content of it but ask away.”

“When you and Agent Smith bump nick nacks, do you bottom or top?”

When the question was posed, the agent was sipping his cup of coffee. He spluttered and his notes were stained with brown. Levi sat there smugly while the agent wiped down his chin. “Excuse me?” Eren asked, his voice was tinged with incredulity and repulsion as a flush worked on his cheeks.

Levi elected to speak more frankly. “Do you like being fucked up the ass or do prefer shoving your dick up his ass?”

“We don’t have that type of relationship.” Eren responded quickly and it carried a tone of finality.

He hoped Levi was just shooting blanks but the raven wasn’t fooled. “And I’m actually a hobbit. You want me to confide the truth to you yet you’re here lying to me. That’s doesn’t invoke my confidence in our relationship, Agent Jaeger.” Fucking asshole, he was forcing Eren into a corner for the tidbit of information.

Eren blushed and he glared his notes for a moment then he stared at the two-way mirror knowing Erwin was watching the exchange probably with a scowl that ordered Eren to keep silent. If he denied the request though, Levi would shut down and it would be another day wasted attempting to move an immovable object.  What could Levi really do with that information though? He was still a serial killer with 30 victims pending over his head; if he wanted to use it in a scam to blackmail the agents- who would believe him? Or even care to listen? Not including the fact that Levi had mountains of paperwork on them both; Levi could have been observing them from the beginning.

So what was the downside? Levi was probably well aware of their relationship – it didn’t do any good to lie about something that was knowledge to them both. Erwin wouldn’t be pleased about it.

“Off the record…Erwin and I…we’re a couple.”

“That’s not what I asked you.” Levi snarled.

What did he gain from this? “What’s your interest about my sex life?”

“Freud thought sex had to do with everything,” Levi said matter-of-factly.

Eren still didn’t see the premise of his question. “He was also doped up on an enough coke to kill a horse.”

“Yet people still read his books, embody his beliefs and ideals.” Levi countered.

Eren finally relented. Directness seemed to be effective on the raven. “What are you getting at?”

“Sex has to do with everything about a person. You’ll learn so much more about a person when you know their sex life.” Levi disclosed.

The agent laughed. “Pretty sure that was never in any of Freud’s book.”

“Only if you read between the lines.” The raven told him.

“I thought you didn’t care for psychology.”

“Not really, but it has it uses. Answer my question,”

“You’ll answer all my questions about your father?” The agent asked once more, he didn’t need Levi twisting the deal around if he did answer him.

Grey eyes stared at him dully. “I’m a lot of things, Agent Jaeger; a lair isn’t one of them.”

 “No. But manipulator…”

Levi glared, offended. “I’ve been nothing but honest and forward with you. It’s a courtesy to do the same in return. Don’t make me distrust you.”

“Isn’t that manipulation?”

“We made an agreement.” Levi recanted with mild irritation.

“No you did.” Eren corrected. This was why he didn’t brooked arrangements with serial killers, they were so unpredictable and perpetually changing the conditions. And in this case, Levi had a short fuse, making the situation even more unstable.

“If you’re going to jerk me around, Agent Jaeger, then kindly get the fuck out. I don’t have the patience for your mind games.” Levi finished and Eren could feel the door he worked to pry open, closing on his fingers.

He only had one opportunity to pave a bridge between them. “I’ll answer.” But, fuck, Erwin was going to be piss at him.

The killer rolled his eyes and dropped his eyes away from the agent. “Tch, do what you will, Agent Jaeger. I’m not in the mood to play with you anymore.”

“Erwin prefers to top me. I don’t mind either way.  But I guess that makes me the bottom either way then.” Eren answered sheepishly, averting the mirror knowing Erwin would be on the other side gritting his teeth.

“Hmm.” Levi hummed indifferently and he tossed his gaze to the window. Unimpressed and bored.

He could feel Levi building his walls around him. “Are you going to shut me out even though I answered your question?”

The raven answered plainly. “I’ve lost my interest.”

“Then allow me to gain it back, Levi. Ask me another.”

“It’ll be sexual.”

“Okay.”

“And about you.”

“I understand.”

“What trick is this?” Levi questioned, suspicion furrowing his brows.

“It isn’t. It’s me mending the rift between us. I want your willingness and interest to confide to me, again.”

“If you fuck around with me one more time…” Levi threatened.

“I won’t. You have my word.”

Levi sat silently, considering Eren pensively; he rolled the cigarette between his fingers. Finally, Levi spoke, “Has a man ever fucked you so hard you lost sight of everything? Your mind so vacant and blank you can’t even process the feeling of his cock pounding into you; you’re submerge in carnal bliss so fully that your moans aren’t hinder in the least. Where you don’t care if you wake your neighbors down the hall. You don’t care about the cum stains on your comforter.  You don’t care that your hole feels so raw and used. It just the euphonic haze you’re riding on till you black out.”

His stomach bubbled uncomfortably, heat flooding his face, and confusion filtering through his eyes. His heart thumped erratically in his ribcage as Levi stared at him with a smoldering dark heat. “…No…”

“Would you like to?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More is revealed about Levi's past, another child is taken and Eren remembers a painful memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had another plan for this chapter but i felt i didn't give the chance for Eren and Levi to develop outside of each other. Also thank you to all who kudos, comment, sub, bookmark, etc. I was really surprised by the response and it meant so much to know many of you were interested.

He cried and it was a natural response. It was the first time he ever hit him. It’s the first time he ever had a normal reaction to an event. No matter how deprived he was or how lost emotion made him feel; he could understand fear. Levi could comprehend the pain, impeccably. Children cried all the time and so did Levi when his father hit him.

Pain was universal.

He understood pain.

He just couldn’t speak not with the tears down his cheek or the rock lodged in his throat that incapacitated him from forming syllables. His father wanted to know why. Why are you killing these animals? Is that what you’re doing in the yard all the time? Why are you doing this?

Why?

He wanted to know the answer and so did Levi. But how could he put the words to such an inexplicable feeling. How did you tell another person that the once the live left that body it left a spark in him? Can you tell someone it made you feel alive? It was validation that he wasn’t dead. Wasn’t hollow. Wasn’t empty. He wasn’t dead. The bodies were. They died for the simple sake so that Levi could live.

So he could believe that he wasn’t dead.

The blood was staining his hands and his father’s who for all purposes was trying to get it together. The look in his eyes told Levi another story. Something haunted them, lingered in them- his father probably knew at that moment exactly what he was.

“Monster.” This time that word wasn’t bouncing in his frontal lobes, someone was telling him. Unveiling him in reality.  “She knew…all this time….She told me that you would be but I- I didn’t want to believe her…you’re a monster.” And the words were painful, even more so than the punch that stung his left cheek.

It was all he could do but to rub at the red mark with quivering lips and greys eyes that conveyed fear, hurt, and pain. Their so powerful and forceful: the emotions, cutting him deeply with razor sharp daggers. But monsters didn’t know them. He wasn’t one…

Levi wasn’t a monster.

“I’m not.” He tried to get the whole statement out but the emotions that invaded him made it impossible to speak around them. It was so gripping. They actually strangled him to the point he couldn’t breathe and wished that he was hollow again. When he was hollow, nothing hurt as bad.

His father shook his head, disbelieving and refusing to meet the graveyard of the slaughtered animals. Each one was more butchered than the last. Every one less distinguishable among the bone and tissue of red.  “You’re just like them…and I can’t-“

“Daddy.”

It was eons before his father’ eyes parted from Levi’s hand, earth and dried blood tucked underneath his fingernails. The blood was wet minutes ago but now it dried and felt dense and heavy on his hands. The passage of time could have been hours but the sun that met the horizon told him that it wasn’t nearly as long. The world darken with the dying sun, the russet glow that once set the color red ablaze when it caught the light flickered away, banking on the frost of the winter soon to come.

The eyes of brown staring at him warned Levi of the fear coloring the irises, the dawning of realization, the repercussions. The unstoppable ending he would come to one day. Would it be today?

Would he die? Now? In the cold of the November frost with only a bed of fallen leaves and rotting corpses to be his company.

It should. That would make sense and it was fitting. His grave should be as cold and dead as he was. At least the ripples that caused him to take such destructive actions would cease all together. He could sleep now. There would be no more concerns for a day that he would never see. No more emotions to mimic. No bodies made of blood, tissue, and bone weighing him with the weight of their concern and wariness. There wasn’t an role to act and no more parts to play.

Dying sounded so restful.

“I can help you…” But, there was no rest for the wicked, not for Levi. “I will…we can control this. No one will take you anyway, you hear me? No one. Don’t tell anyone about this. Not Farlan or Petra. Stay quiet.” The voice was austere and absolute, any glimmer of the fear saturating those eyes were void. There was a firmness in them but the hands that cupped him close trembled.

Anyone else wouldn’t identify it, Levi knew fear, could smell it. Knew exactly how to invoke it in others. The animals he killed quivered in his hands but he made sure their death was quick. He opened them afterwards, peeling the fur and skin curiously, weighing the organs and watching raptly with a child-like wonder. This thing was alive. These were the parts that make it whole. Taking it all away made him whole.

He was whole again.

And then the emptiness came, the nothing that carved his insides. He was shallow once more.

He needed to be whole, just one more time. 

“Levi, you hear me? Keep quiet; tell no one what you are.”

What was he?

“No one has to know you’re a monster, okay…? Levi?”

“Yes…dad.”

[x]

 

It was the day of the funeral. There was a second victim, Petra Ral, she disappeared four months back to appear in another hollow ravine in the forest. Unlike the first girl, Levi knew Petra – she was…someone he could mildly tolerate. He really didn’t have friends; a boy like him couldn’t quite fit with the flocks and cliques that came with childhood. But he had a few he named above acquaintances; people whose presence didn’t make his skin itch like a rash. She had been one of them and it was an odd sensation that tugged at his heart strings. That was the phrase wasn’t, when people felt hurt or sad?

He was lost. But he watched in a morbid sense of fascination at the people that milled around the room, heads dipped low, tears moisten their eyes, the constant murmurs of “I’m sorry for your lost”, and the trademark sniffle and nose blowing. He observed the faces that morphed into masks of the same countenance: sorrow. Again, he felt like a spectator at a zoo, surveying the animals as they interacted in a matter known only to them. For a moment, Levi wondered how it felt – how was it to _feel_. To be human; to express and understand the language of emotions.

He was the foreigner in this room; lost in the translation of grief.

His father patted his shoulder and lead Levi to the now growing line of people in black paying their respect to the family of the dead.  The heavy was heavy with the saccharine scent of flowers, the clouding mist of body fluids and perfumes, and the undertone of chemical fluids that lingered in the basement of the funeral home. Robotically, he moved with the line with his father, the both of them dressed appropriately in black slacks and button down shirts. His onyx locks were gel back professionally and the bored, vacant pools of liquid mercury scanned the room once again. Levi noticed the stale floral wallpaper that glowed with the afternoon sun and how horribly it contrasted against the mint carpet.

How ugly, he thought. When he died it would be somewhere that had some semblance of taste in color. This was so dreadful once his curiosity was sated. The noises of broken sobs and loud blowing of mucus grated on his nerves now.

“Go give your respect. I’ll speak with the parents.”

His father left him at front of the line, a few steps from Petra’s closed coffin. She was too disfigured and too deformed the parents had no choice but a closed casket.  Petra’s father sat in the first row, huddled over with sorrow and never-ending tears; her mother looked the most distraught. In her eyes, the emptiness was creeping in. There wasn’t going to be anything left of her after this.

His fingers meet the polished wood and glided along the length of it. There was the scent of iron but the bouquet of flowers on either side of her casket masked the smell. He told them that another death was coming but no one listen, who would listen to an 9 year old? A kid like him could never know, never understand the concepts of murder and death.

Fucking cops, such a useless waste of space, even with the killer in front of them they were blinded and tied to a bible of laws. Laws didn’t apply to his kind. Nothing could stop the bloodlust. You had to drain them out to be rid of the stain.

Though he couldn’t judge and judge now could he? It would be just a matter of when and who for Levi the day that could took a life that was human.

But a child? And in such a matter of carnage and debauchery. Skinning layers and patches of skin till nothing was left; till those girls resembled an image from a medical textbook about human anatomy.

Was it the blood that excited him? Or the screams, she must have had cried herself hoarse; or was it the control he gained from trapping a prey so effortlessly and reducing them to something lower than human?

How many times did he have to kill to fight off the emptiness? The feeling of being numb and hollow like a well? Did the feeling after he killed them last only a few weeks, months, years?

How long did he live off the memory?

“She was your friend, wasn’t she?”

The voice called him out of his reprieve and he yanked back the hand that caressed the coffin before Nile saw it. Though the genuine grin Nile wore told him he did. A sign of mockery at his tenderness.

“I knew her.” Levi answered, his void eyes meeting Nile’s dead eyes. Only they weren’t dead, far from it, they were vivacious. He was alive.

“Such a shame, don’t you think? Petra was a sweetheart,” Nile said conversationally, tucking his hand into his front pockets, face downcast toward the coffin. A soft smirk adorned his face as if the memories of her were replaying in his mind. Each scream, each tear, very cry for mercy set on auto play. “We’ll all miss her…”

Levi glared at him, his face still the stoic mask of emotionless, the ripples of torrid fury crashed against him. “I won’t forget.” His voice is leveled but austere, a sliver of a threat.

Nile answered him, sardonically with an unimpressed snort. “I’m sure of that, Levi. But you know what, neither will I.”

 

[x]

Eren groaned, his head felt heavy like lead. He tried to pick it from where it hang against his chest but pain bolted through his nerves, the action failing completely. His surrounding were in total pitch darkness, not a blade of light percolated the thick shadows. Eren tried to recollect his memories. Where had he been earlier? He remembered leaving the station after proposing his theories of the case to Erwin. He refused, told Eren that the case was affecting his health.

“Go home and sleep for once.” Erwin ordered and Eren had half a mind to stomp his feet and lunge a chair at his face. But he left to his car, disgruntled, anger bristled his nerves making even the simplest tasks like opening his car door difficult.  After five unsuccessful attempts, he finally got the damn thing open and slammed it just as harshly shut, imaging Erwin’s fingers getting caught between the door and the car.

Erwin was right though, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get pissy and moody about it. There were rules and protocols to follow, he knew. When he was in the academy, he drilled himself to know everything by heart. Police work didn’t exactly invoke the same feeling of excitement and pride as did abnormal psychology. The old case files he requested from the database kept him up countless nights as he read the psychological evaluation, making his own notes and theories about the behaviors, the symptoms, the traits, the triggers.

What made them do it? How did it feel? Where they born this evil or created? Why were blonde women the target for the Son of Sam? Was there a particular reason Jeffery Dahmer choose young gay males as his own? Why drill holes in their heads? Did he want his very own slave or was it experimentation? If Edward Gein didn’t have such an abnormal relationship with his mother, would he have still killed those women and use their skin like craft fabric concocting a human suit?

Entering the FBI’s BAU, Eren learned quickly that the stories on Criminal Minds were nothing like the real thing. It wasn’t any longer a hobby or passion to feel the need to dissect the minds of those killers. The details of their gruesome killings came with more than just the thrill of learning the depravity of humans but the shiver at the pain etched on those faces. Sometimes, there wasn’t anything left for him to reflect on. His college years seemed so far away now, where he could imagine the engaging conversation between him and a serial killer. He wanted to hear those details, wanted to stomach the joy and gratification they got. Understanding. Comprehension. Knowledge. It was a joke among psychology students that the ones who pursue abnormal psychology were the real crazies. Sicker than everyone cause they wanted the darkness of humanity.

It seemed so far away. When he once could laugh when his friends called him the “sickie”, “psycho”, “weirdo”; the words were terms of endearment, just pleasant jabs at each other. But there were the times he thought they were right. Something wasn’t right with him. He could gaze into those crime scene photos for hours. Abhorrence came first then empathy followed by resentment; natural human responses to a tragedy that involved human cruelty on the highest degree. But then the pawning curiosity manifested in him; how did it feel? For the victim to know that they were in the hands of a killer? For a killer to have their prey in their grasp, helpless to them. What did it feel like for the screams and tears to coat the room, their blood to brand the killer’s hands and tools?

He wanted to understand but then he wanted to kill them too. They were so sordid and so revolting human beings. Not every human deserve to die but now everyone earned the right to live. And he would feel it- the same compulsion to rip a person apart. To kill them all. They were dogs, no lower than dogs. Dogs never killed for elation, pleasure, or gratification. They weren’t human.

They needed to be eradicated.

Someone had to eliminate them.

He was incognizant to the passage of time in his car. The sky had darkened already with grey clouds on the borders, the stars lost in the fog coating the streets, the telltale rumble in the night warned him of the coming rain. Eren checked his clock, an hour had passed and he rubbed the sleep out of his face as he turned the car on. Erwin was right, he needed sleep. Those cases wouldn’t get solved if his performance lack due to sleep depravity. His incompetence to do his job meant lives now, not a report or lecture or a poor grade.

Yeah, those years seemed so far away, like it was a dream- another life. Another Eren.

There wasn’t much traffic but that was because it was already past three in the morning. He had a temporary house for his stay in New York. Cases length of stay always varied for them; sometimes they could manage a month or two and they would only utilizes hotel rooms. But challenging cases required much longer periods in other states, so there were times the state would afford them temporary housing.  Eren was fornate enough to room alone this time. Working with his colleagues and sleeping in the same rooms worn down on all their nerves, rubbing the wounds raw, and doing much more harm than good. He had a very incidents were he lost control though Erwin was the most understanding of his co-workers. He had a mean of talking him down, pacifying the creases and lines on his face, dulling the rage that nearly tore Eren in two. This was one of those days that his presence- cordial, placid, an omnipotent- made him furious.

He should be angry too, so why didn’t he lose it? Why hadn’t he broken down yet? Did he even fucking feel a thing? They said the moment the cases stopped affecting you was the day you retired.

Did Erwin stop feeling? Was he going to leave the unit soon?

Would the day come when Eren couldn’t feel either? And when it did, what did that make him…was he still human?

Exiting his car, the fog blanketed over the lawn and asphalt, making visibility void to his eyes. The smell of earth wafted his nose and the humid heat made his clothes cling to his body uncomfortable. Soft droplets of rain fall trickled the hood of his car and dampened his hair. It made him wonder absentmindedly when the last time he even showered.

Probably a few days, he didn’t recall leaving the station unless it was for coffee runs or bathroom breaks. A bath would do him wonders, a long one with bubbles too. His mother always made the bath for him even as a teenager and there was white, fluffy bubbles hovering over the surface of clear water. He protested all the time that he was too old for that baby crap but that didn’t stop him from piling the weightless substance on his head. Or creating a long, Santa Clause like bread on his face. Eren smiled, the memory of his mother bringing warmth over him. That was another thing he neglected, calling his mother. As soon as this case was over, he would call her and take her downtown to Millennium Park then Navy Prier.

There was stillness in the atmosphere, an unsettlingly eerie feeling crawling at the back of his mind as if a presence was behind him, watching. Surreptitiously, Eren’s hand goes to the gun holster on his belt, unbuttoning the leather strap over it. The gun is frosty to his hands among the humid air and he whipped around, gun trained for the distance. He tried to discern a body within the fog but it too dense and heavy for him to tell clearly. The safety was still on and his thumb caressed it, laying it wait for the moment. Only the heavy, white mist meet him though with a few broken calls of cats howling.

There was nothing but his instincts told him he wasn’t alone.

Don’t drop your guard his gut warned him.

_You’re not safe._

_Not safe._

Eren decided being out in the open with limited sight was not the best bet, and trekked back to his house with his gun still gripped tightly, lowered but ready for the jump. The steps to the door are slow and calculated, eyes darting around him every second. Check your surroundings, check your corners. Never drop your guard till you know you’ve secured the area. But he was meet with silence and the dew to come from the rain and his guard faltered in the slightest. His finger slowly eased off the trigger, green eyes darted around the available space.

That’s when the strike happened, two burly arms gripped him and Eren thrashed violently before a cloth was pressed against his two airways as his vision darkened, the sweet chemicals wafting up into his nose and mouth, making his body feel weightless and sluggish. He could only catch the flash of short blonde short and a hard face marred with harsh lines and bags of sleepless nights.

The flood of information floored him and now the smells percolating the room were acute and undeniable: iron, rust, mold, decay. Putrid.  He had him. The Titan killer abducted him and now he would resembled those discarded bodies of women that once had color in their cheeks and limbs. The fear came next; this was his killer, the man he profiled, surveyed, and observed. The pages of evaluation, theories, and notes were in the back of his car but it was easily recollected.

_Easy to anger. Limited perspective, could see the world in only black and white._

_Single Caucasian male, late 20’s to early 30’s._

_Isolated. A small circle of friends and love ones. No significant other , no pets, no children; due to violent tendencies and prone to lash out physically._

_5 reports of domestic abuse, battery, sexual assault._

_History of psychological disorders._

_Possibly a case of minor Bipolar combined with severe Schizophrenia._

_15 identified victims, all female, ages 18-30. 2 recently discovered and un-I.D. The report on the dental work was going to come back within the next two days._

His thoughts are respited by the weighted footfalls on the solid floor. His vision obscured by a blindfold, the hands at his back bound tightly by duct tape, his feet strapped to the legs of his chair which was frigid and harsh underneath him. The steps halted in front of him and the blindfold gave away, unveiling the killer to his eyes: bulky, broad-shouldered, a crooked nose, golden eyes and short tuff of blonde hair.

It was a testament to his courage when fear and dread were overshadowed by rage. Those women whose live ended prematurely to one person’s madness. Daughters. Wives. Sisters. Girlfriends. Any life they could have had would never be. Their families would never get another moment. No closure. No goodbye, just an abrupt killing and for one man’s madness. And it was easy for the wrath to ink itself under his skin, illuminating the surface with a scorching blaze that would only be sated with blood. The duct tape abraded at his skin, ripping off the small hairs on his wrist, the mild sting not defusing the beast inside him.

The killer smiled, smelling the very anger that fueled him in his own killings, recognized it, and almost admired it. “You’re him.” Eren hissed, the simple words sounded as poisonous as a rattle snakes bite. “You killed all those women…you fucking bastard…you piece of shit.”

The smile fell away. “You know what I am, don’t you? You’re like me.”

Eren growled and thrashed in his bonds, willing away the bindings holding him. Like him? Understanding a serial killer required a certain person; no one could just do what he did, face the details and express something beyond revulsion. But, to dare call him a killer, that was another crime in itself.

The killer snickered at his plight, the way Eren uselessly withered with no result and the brunet halted and glared murderously. And before he could consider the repercussions, he spat at the killer only gathering a small laugh before a fist knocked the chair on its side. Iron coated his tongue and he parted his mouth to prevent the substance from choking him. His center of gravity shifted again when the char was righted on its legs a moment after and his brain scrambled with a flash of disorientation and pain.

Furiously, the killer scrubbed his face, wiping the spit on his pants. Giving Eren his back, the killer cursed vehemently under his breath as his hands seemed to claw at his skull. He paced, throwing his arms out volatilely, control on the brink of breaking.

“What’s wrong?” Eren challenged. “Can’t finish me off like those girls? Or it because you can’t get your dick hard from beating me?”

“Fuck you!” The killer lashed out at Eren, lips snarled back viciously.

“Let me guess, your mother was a whore. Didn’t give you the time of day. Bought over random Johns and fucked them while you were at the house. All you wanted was mommie’s attention but she didn’t give two shits about you. You didn’t wait till you were older to take her for yourself, right? Probably knocked her out cold because she was screaming for you to stop. Tell me, am I getting warm? You knew she should tell the cops so you killed her- but not before you got your rocks off, huh? Bet it was sweet for you, having her fill of you just like you always wanted. Haha, you _motherfucker_.”

Again, his equilibrium was thrown off from the force of his punch and he coughed, body still shivering from the pricks of pain. He caught sight of the killer’s shoe before it rammed into his abdomen, diving the sole repeatedly as his vision blackened again. Vaguely, he heard the hoarse cries that whipped at him, violently.

“Fuck you! You piece of fucking shit! Those whores deserve it. Everything I did! They! Deserved! It!  And now you’ll die like those cunts, just like them. You might be a man but very slut has a hole for me to use. I’ll do you just like them.”  Finally the insistent kicks ceased and Eren gasped raggedly, desperately attempting to fill his lungs and keep himself cognizant. 

He heaved drily, bile and blood cresting at the back of his throat. Then he felt a breath at the nape of his neck and a tight hand pulling his hair. “I’m going to fuck you then kill you just like a whore…You’re gonna scream like they did, Eren.” His heart palpitated frantically, resounding powerfully to his eardrums, sending small vibrations down his body. He was going to die.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that really isn't a cliff hanger but yeah no I'm asshole, i wanted to end it there. But hopefully you guys enjoy it. Also, some of the names mentioned in the chapter are actual serial killers. And i know I used some psych jargon, so if there is questions you can ask (psych major here). another thing, the BAU in the FBI is not very true in Criminal Minds, it more paperwork at the desk than all that moving around but they will go to cities that request their help, whether or not they pay for their rooming (it the government, it probably a yes) or set them up with hotel room or safe house, I can't say for certain. I have some knowledge on it but not too much. i just wanted to put that out there incase anyone was confuse or get offended at any inaccuracies. Um but yes, thank you for reading, again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm not sure how i feel about this chap. things ended up much more darker and deeper than i plan so i actually postpone the continuation of the interview. those tags about torture and graphic context applies here so beware. the is implications of rape too and the killing of animals. alot happens and it mainly an Eren focused chapter. i do hope it is dark and gritty. i haven't wrote too many torture scenes and i didn't prolonged it like I originally planned.

“So why ‘Titan’?” Eren inquired, ducking under the yellow tape, trailing the path behind Erwin.  Effortlessly, he weeded around the suits in blue, the static heavy voices muttering coded phrases and colors. His breath puffed out in a faint mist as he worked his pace to his superior’s one.

Erwin kept his steady gait, giving Eren a side glance, he absorbed the young man clutching the lapels of his trench coat closer, silently mumbling a curse about shitty New York weather. Circling past a black van that was parked in the grass, the two couriers waiting for permission to move the body, Erwin divulged Eren’s inquiry. “I’m not quite sure.  I heard it has something to do with the girls being abducted around university bar.”

Staring at Erwin’s profile, Eren commented a small noise, not really a confirmation of understand but noting the detail. “Anything to get the public going.”

Serial killer were also notoriously named, sometimes the tabloids outdid themselves with the tile other times he wished they leaved the eye catching name in favor of other things like publishing accurate information with the sanction of the police station. But serial killers were hot items and were a national (at least not publicly stated) pastime of the America people. Despite the stance against such grotesque murders, people thrived on the drama of it all.

 The call came unexpectedly, well as unexpected as it comes with his job. A lot of times it came with a toss of the dime. Depending on the public urgency, the BAU answered the call quickly. Eren had only the few hours on the jet to soak in the available details handed to him and then once they landed it was back to action. The arrived at NYP precinct, speaking with the chief to gather more information on the case before attending to the newly discovered victim number seven. Half of the team divided off, Gunther and Erd were at the station and per Erwin’s request, Eren was with him. He had an eye for it, catching obscured hints from the bodies, as if Eren could detach himself into the moment of the kill. A third eye, Erwin told him. He still wasn’t sure if the observation should be taken as a compliment or an insult.

But Eren didn’t have any more time to debate why or how he was so in tune to killers because they reached at the heart of the scene. The body.

 Eren stopped breathing and halted beside Erwin who watched him in silence. Not brothering to ask for his sanction, Eren was hovering over the victim, squatting on the balls of his feet. The world shut down around him, the footfalls on the grass faded away along with the mechanical click of the camera and their blinding flash. The other bodies parted around him as he flashed his badge at their questioning glances. They nodded at the comprehension of his station and went back to their previous tasks. The expressive green eyes followed the jarred lines that exposed defenseless strands of tissue and a thin layer of fat.

Anyone could grasp that the death wasn’t a pleasant one or a quick one at that. No one needed a degree or years in the FBI academy to decode that, the victim suffering had been a prolonged one. He felt his body shuddered with empathic pain mirroring the same areas the women had.

_It was a women right?_

The face was horridly disfigured and swollen with coarse red patches of raised skin.

_Burns._

Those angry wounds were severe burn marks like the killer was trying to scorch the victim to the point beyond recognition.  He looked to the appendage that resembled a long neck. It was delicate even marred with bruise purpling around it like a choker. There was no noticeable lump of the Adam’s Apple.

_Female._

The skin that wasn’t discolored or ruined with lesions appeared firm and soft but not like the softness that came with young age.

  _Older then. The victims were abducted around a college bar so she had to be in her early 20’s._

In the back of his mind, the dull pain of emphasizing his weight on his foot nudges at Eren, electing him to stand him and take a few paces before he down again on the other side. The lighting was more favorable but in the smeared background of his vision the bodies of law enforcement float around like busy bees. Then there was Erwin’s crystal blue eyes vexed on him, the lovely face is void of any readable emotion but there was an interest in the way he moved closer to Eren. His eyes should have been on their victim but Eren was a bigger curiosity for him.

Eren went back to assessing the body and the disorderly signs of torture screamed rage and instability.

_Maybe experimentation_

The bodies haven’t been piling long enough to gather a clear image of the man. They were called so prematurely due to the brutality of the kill, each one more progressively worse than the one prior. There were collected areas with laceration that meet the sharp end of a knife. The cut was too long and deep, so it had to be a deadly tool, no simple dinnerware knife.

The victim was propped on her side, blonde hair matted with dried blood and sweat. Shifting on the balls of his feet, Eren tilted his side to the side and saw the ankles of the woman’s feet; the skin was red with abrasions.  Her wrist had the same treatment down to them.

_Bound then? So wasn’t a person she knew probably._

What remain of the victim’s clothes had been torn and lashes at till it reassembled ribbons on her form, more purpling discoloration peeked under the fabric along with more lesions. That when something caught Eren’s eye in the corner of his vision. Her thigh it had spherical holes above the knee.

“What…?”

“Eren.” Erwin called and the brunet respited out of his inspection.

The viridian eyes that mirrored at the superior agent glazed over the blonde, fixing on an invisible point. “Sir?”

“Do you need more time to inspect the crime scene? We need to go over the case at the precinct and interview a possible witness to the vic’s abduction.”

Rising from his squatted position, the limbs of his legs buzzed with the lack of usage. He muffled a sigh groan of compliant as his spine straightened.  Eren rubbed at the middle of his back, eye darting over the victim once more. “I’m going to need the photos from this crime scene.”

“We’re the FBI, I’m sure we can make those arrangements. Anything else?”

Eren chuckled, “Yeah. I could really use some coffee.”

“We’ll make a stop on the way. You know the department coffee leaves a lot to be desire.” Erwin angled away, jerking his head in invitation before disappearing among the suits of blue. Eren ambled forward, legs still returning to their normal function. The yellow police tape lined off the area but that didn’t prevent the mob of people that formed around it. They stepped on their toes, cameras in hand trying to capture a shot of the scene. 

Next came the boisterous news crew that lingered impatiently at the edge, microphone at the ready and hair manipulated and styled to flawless perfection.  Never one for speeches, Eren stayed as far as possible from the media. Erwin was more qualified to that. Normally Rico handle them, disclosing just enough information about the case without endangering it. Reporters were so invasive and arduous, asking for information dire. They shot their questions at rapid fire overshadowing the previous ones, elbowing cameras and fuzzy mics to capture their voice. He couldn’t endure the press, Eren was too quick to irk.

 So he waved off the voices that called for his attention, asking in that sweeten faux voice if “New York had a new serial killer on their hands?”  and if “the citizen at home should start taking precautions”, only half-heartedly thinking “you’ll be safe when you get those fucking things out of my face”. The tension that made him body rigid instantly dissipated the moment he reached Erwin and the black SVU. Eren more than ready to hop into the car and go back to what he did best- profiling serial killers.

~

Two trays of fresh steaming cups of Starbucks coffee in tow, the two agents rejoined the remaining squad at the NYP precinct. One of the officers led the duo to the room where their team members were holed up. It was a blank and spacious room, often those were some of the best places to focus the members and deliberate the facts and theories. On the white erasable board spanning across one wall, Eren could see the pictures of the six victims tacked to it. The photos at the upper top of it are the ones of the women taken at the morgue; skin paled to the color of death and the white cloth that stopping right above their breast. Next to it were their pictures when they had been alive and not marred with bruises or lacerations. Below he knew were the accompanying photographs from their crime scenes: the surrounding area, any notable marks or telling signs on their person. His eyes sweep over those and the progression of hatred and instability is obvious with each women.

The first one was in the most suitable shape. She lacked any patched of burnt skin like the fourth women but her discolored bruises make up for the difference.  There were only a few fissures located on her arms, the possible case of defensive wounds by the look of it. No red depressions marked her wrists of ankles like the fourth victim. It was spontaneous, erratic and unplanned. The killer was driven on the throes of volatile emotions. That meant it was a swift ending for her though just as painful. The speedy death meant the thirst for the killer wasn’t quenched.

The killer needed more. The first was only just the beginning of his capabilities, of how far he could go.

“You gonna work your psycho magic, Jaeger?” Agent Bossard mocked from his seat.

Eren whipped an annoyed glare at the man. Auruo was a rookie at the time Eren joined the team but he outshined the man in Erwin’s eyes. Therefore, the Agent saw few opportunities to work on a case privately alongside Agent Smith or be given a solo mission. The other veterans: Erd and Gunther usually took him under their wing. It didn’t make the man any less bitter or rude.

As a psychology major, he knew jealous and pettiness’s when he saw it. If Auruo felt inadequate that was his issue not Eren’s, probably another reason why Erwin never invited him along. His focus wasn’t on the case like it should be.

Agent Rico Brzenska said behind him, “Well at least Eren’s abilities actually assist us in solving cases. I could go as far as to say, our team’s overall performance had double. So tell me exactly what do you bring to the table, Auruo?”

Auruo whirled in his seat, seething at the women who sipped her coffee nonchalantly. He stammered for an answer. “I- That’s not the point I was making!”

Rico adjusted her glasses, sizing the younger agent. “But you’ll admit, Eren’s ability is a god send whereas you lack any outstanding skills, am I right?”

“Agent Brzenska and Agent Bossard,” Erwin chastised, talking his place at the head of the table closet to the board. “Need I remind everyone to leave their personal issues at the door.”

“No, sir.” Auruo replied quickly with a straight back.

Eren just rolled his eyes and mouthed a silent “thank you” to Agent Brzenska. She inclined her head at the board. “Anything you can tell us, Agent Jaeger?”

He turned back to the board, eyes observing the second victim. This one was sustain several lesions and signs of blunt trauma. Her face appeared beaten in with impression of a boot. The first victim went missing for 24 hours before she was found at a dump sight. There other lasted 48 hours till she was discovered. Then the third four days and the recent fourth was gone for nearly a week. Due to the shortage of time, the killer didn’t expand too much on their method of torture. It was still a recently new concept. One that the killer was toying with. But one thing stuck one; there was no real preparation. Everything again appeared to happened on the flip of a coin. The women had no common thread aside the fact that they were female and attended the same bar. The first victim was a college student at Columbia, Caucasian red hair and pale. The second was a worker from an internet café, a woman from a Latin background with black hair and blue eyes. The third was a nurse at one of the university’s hospital, a 26 year old African American woman with two children. Each one from that point on had varying degrees of wounds, broken bones, and charred skin.

There lacked a common pattern that wasn’t the bar. All the victims had signs of rape and sexual assaults prior to post-modem.

“He hates women,” Eren muttered quietly, eyes jumping to the jarred gnashes and violent bruises.

“Care to elaborate,” Gunther prompted.

Eren turned to his team, waving an arm at the board at his back. “What’s the pattern?” He waited for his fellow workers to pondered on the question. “The victims are all women. Nothing really connects them.”

“Maybe.” Erd said. “But that isn’t enough to make that assumption. Plenty of serial killers target women, mostly it just a preference due to their sexual orientation.”

“But look,” he walked back to the board and pointed at the fourth victim whose eye was closed eye due to severe burns, the skin blistered and dried, “Do you see? How the killer treats them. It’s not sex or power. It’s hate. Whatever reason, the killer despises women. “

Erwin crossed his legs and rubbed his chin pensively. “Hmm. It could be a theory but the killer could have a penchant for sadism. Women are smaller and therefore often easier to pick. “

“Then why not pick up hookers or…or hitch hikers? They’ll go unnoticed and it’ll expand the time he can keep them. But these are women he takes from a public place. At a bar. Why put the unnecessary level of danger to each target?”

“It could excite him. Maybe the stakes give him a high.” Rico suggested. “The hunt is an important process for many killers.”

“If that was true, there would be a larger gap between each killing. The first couple had a month of so, the rest are coming much quicker. There is no control like a psychopath. They plan. They wait. They excute precisely. This.” Eren slapped another picture, this victim had her eye gouged out. “This is a killer that has no control. It just impulsive and chaotic. After the first few tries, the killer is more sure and confident but it more to it. The killer has to do it.”

Auruo made an annoyed sound, throwing his arms in the air. “You can say that about every psycho out there. They’re all nuts and gotta kill. This is just general bullshit.”

“No.” Erwin spoke, his eyes fell on the photos, piecing Eren’s input with the victims. “I think Eren has a point.”

Auruo rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest and puffed out an “of course”.

“There’s an extreme level of violence and malice. You could theorize this torture is similar to the dark ages when inhumane devices of suffering were contrived.” Erwin continued.

“The killer’s punishing them.” Rico concluded and clicked her pen and jotted down the thought. “I can say it seem like a likely motive. So should we look into men with backgrounds of violence against women then?”

Erwin nodded in agreement. “Good idea. Gunther get Samuel on the line, tell him to search for men in area with a violent criminal background, specifically those with charges against women.”

“Got it.” The agent wrote the information down and exited the room, pressing the phone to his ear.

Agent Smith pointed to Auruo and Erd. “We have a possible witness. You two go to the investigation room 113. See if you can get me a despriction to narrow down the list. Eren and I will work on a profile.”

Auruo groaned as Erd dragged the unwilling agent along. “Right away, sir.” Erd replied while Auruo sent Eren another death glare.

“Witness detail, again.” He complained on the way out.

“Earn your wings, rookie.” The agent told him.

“Rico?” Erwin pointed to the women rising form her chair, she paused.

“Sir.”

“Cover the press for me, will you?” Erwin asked sweetly with a smile.

Rico gave a brief chuckled, gathering her binders. “As you wish, Smith.”

The moment the room emptied completely, Erwin smirked at Eren who stood awkwardly all the while as the others packed up and left. He wrung his hands on unsurely as the abrupt departure. “It’s still this a theory, sir. I could be wrong.”

“If it had been anyone else, I wouldn’t jump on the idea but you,” Erwin rose and closed the distance between them. “You. Eren. I’m not sure how you do it but you’re rarely never when it comes to killers. Remember the Ramirez case? That was just a ‘theory’.”

Eren shrugged indifferently. “It could have been a fluke, sir.”

The blonde shook his head. “It’s not a fluke.”

[x]

The putrid air was back as his vision blurred back to reality. There was the lingering taste of copper in the back of his mouth. The tape at his wrists and ankles had been fortified. It was then that his recollection floods him; the punch that had his teeth rattling with pain and the moment where his body meet the floor and the vibrations it set racking him. That seething voice which snarled horrific declarations in his ear. Eren remembered his position. He was taken just like those women.

What was worse was that Eren knew exactly what came next. He studied the bodies and the trauma inflicted plenty of times that he could name it right off the bat if you asked him. Any other time, the efficiency of that skill would have his heart swelling with pride and confidence. Now the knowledge had his gut churning so powerfully that the bile was rising to the back of his throat.

Fear was already in the room with him, more than elated to drill itself in his skin. It crackled with the fact that Eren would die here in a grotesque manner. Eren was a fearless man but there were moments he knew the odds were stack against him and that the slim possibility of death was

Anxiety prickled up his spine, intent on burrowing through the flesh and sprinting through his blood steam. He wanted to keep it at bay but the women from the crime scene flashed in his mind inner eyes repeatedly. Each detail magnified to perfect lucidity, the lacerations that divide layers of skin, fat, tissue, and muscle. The manner they received those wounds. It was terrifying because his mind couldn’t stray from the macabre imagery.

_Multiple stab wounds. Severe disfigurement, primarily defacing the women’s visage. Burn that turned the skin black. Small spherical holes where the weapon of choice hadn’t been identified. The blunt trauma from beatings._

His heart accelerated with his recollection. He flinched at the footsteps thumping overheard, a cloud of dust falling on his head from the floorboards. Eren tried to pacified the panic rising in him by searching the room that was blanketed in a layer of darkness, a thin beam of light flickered those the planks of wood obscuring the small windows in the basement. In the poor lighting, he could discerned the dried blood that coated the cement at his feet, it pooled outwards. No attempt had been made to even cleanse the area. This was where it all occurred. All those women died in this very spot. One that he would share if he wasn’t careful.

 The other night he provoked, too strung up on all the bullshit and lack of progress on the case. It was stupid to push a killer that he knew was unpredictable and easy to taunt.  Any time he had was just hacked in half; the killer wouldn’t keep him alive very long. He had to get him talking, quell the anger festering in him.

The dreaded moment came with the thundering of frantic footsteps.

“You look like a woman…Your eyes remind me of a woman. I wonder, do you scream like them? Will you feel like them .” The abrasive hand glided to his temple, sliding down his cheeks to cup his chin. The killer canted his head in his direction and golden hollow eyes reflected back at him.

Barren. It was like staring at a mirror with no reflection.

“Reiner…”Eren breached, swallowing the anxiety pitching at the empty way the killer observe him.  “Those women. You were right in killing them. They were sluts. Punishment was needed and you gave it to them.”

“Mother told me to punish you too. You’ll stop me from cleansing them. We can’t let you do that. “ The answer came as monotone and robotic like an actual machine. Emotionless.

Eren shook his head, eyes holding Reiner’s even when the urge to stare at the instrument in his other hand came. The faint illumination in the room gave him the faintest hint of an outline of it, it was gripped perfectly in his hand, a single gleam of meal flashed when he shifted his weight. It looked like a power tool. “Y-your mother doesn’t control you. Do what you want, Reiner. Not her. She isn’t worthy. She was dirty like those women too.”

“You’re wrong. I want to punish you too. You’re dirty.”

“Reiner-“

“What kind of man kisses another?!” The outburst was abrupt and startling and Eren flinched at the sudden noise. Kissing? His blood felt like ice in his veins at the realization that Reiner had seen him before with Erwin. Would he target the others as well?

 “You are dirty! Dirty! Fucking die whore!” Tension lined Reiner’s limbs stiffly as his body trembling erratically. The hand once cradling his jaw now held in it a painful grip before it fell away. Reiner faced away, the same hand tearing at his scalp as muffled curses where uttered, his head jerked to the side as if listening to another person speak.

Eren tried the bounds at his wrist, twisting and wringing his arm to loosen the tape but it only rubbed his skin and torn his fine hair. The voices ceased and Eren froze his movements, dreading to glance back at Reiner that occupied the space directly in front of him.

“Scream whore.” _Buzz_. The terrorizing sound percolated his brain, droning immaculately. His heart stopped as the long point of the power drill made blinding rotations, blurring to an elongated stick of metal.  Now he recalled those peculiar holes in the victims. At the time, it was cumbersome to come up with the possible weapon of choice but now it seemed so clear.

A scream built in the back of his throat, pleading for permission to release itself. He wanted to scream. Had to scream. No. This wasn’t happening. Eren wasn’t supposed to die like this. He didn’t belong here. Not him.

“Please Reiner.” Eren whispered, his voice on the verge of cracking into a sob.

_No_

Reiner lifted the power drill and stared at it with a reverence like a docile statue; he tilted it to the right then the left. Admiration.

“This is my favorite. They always scream when I do this.”

His movement prior had been lethargic and lazy but the next instant he moved swiftly. The buzzing tip of the weapon hovered at the spot just above his kneecap.  Instinctively, Eren braced himself as Reiner slowly pressed it to his thigh. It grazed him at first like a small paper cut before it burrowed itself and Eren thrashed. His neck snapped back like a whip, teeth pinning his lips to stop his lamentation of pain. It was indescribable, the feeling of the drill ripping open the thin layer of flesh, moving past the soft tissue and meeting solid bone. Tears welled at his eyes as it withdrew from him only to dig another hole next it.

“Scream!” The seething man snarled in his face. “SCREAM!!” Two holes and the droplets that pooled now raced down his chin, dripping on the collar of his button down shirt. “SCREAM!” Another gnash of flesh was penetrated by the metal now warmed with his blood.

Eren jolted, chest ascending and descending rapidly as wails racked him. His body quivered at the raw shock of pain, the searing burn of skin dividing. Blood brimmed the shallow hole and stained his black slacks.

“Whore. Scream for me.”

The seconds felt like milestones, each new wound stabbing at him and making his toes curl.

_Help me. Someone please, save me._

“Why won’t you scream?!”

Acute pain licked at his other thigh and this time Reiner shoved the blunt end to the surface of his femur. A raspy gasp escaped him as he lurched forward; the new view presented to him the wounds adorning his thighs.

_Save me. Erwin, please save me._

The rear of Reiner’s hand slapped his head back. It was impossible to cease the quivering. The pain was acute and excruciating, the drill sent vibrations up his legs. He prayed for his body to go numb and spare him this suffering. But it never came. Was anyone going to save him?

_Eren_

_Eren_

_Eren_

“Eren!” Two hands grasped his shoulders, hovering above him and it the darkness it looked like Reiner. And panic took over, he encased the wrists pinning him and shove the body away. Reiner tumbled to the floor with a grunt and Eren plucked the concealed gun under his mattress.  He had the barrel to his head and his finger on the trigger before he registered blue eyes and blonde hair.

_Erwin_

“Erwin…” He lowered his gun but his form stood tense, hair standing on end. There was the subtle trembling accompanying his legs and it felt like those small scars were reopened and leaking. “I thought. I’m sorry I thought you were someone else.”

Eren forced his limbs to unclench and an millennia passed till he could remove Erwin from his sight. The safety was clicked on but he didn’t re-holster his gun. The memories were still too raw and livid for him to relinquish his only source of protection.

Cautiously, Erwin got to his feet, hands up in the air. He kept his movements soft and slow as read Eren’s viper like grip. “You were screaming for help.” He explained.

Eren lowered his gaze to the floor, hot tears watering his eyes. This was stupid. It was just memories. Reiner was dead. Been dead for a long time now. He was safe. No one could hurt him.

“I think you should take time off.” Erwin suggested.

“No.” Eren said firmly and once he willed the tears back, he faced him and forced on a cavalier tone. “It was just a bad dream.”

Erwin looked unconvinced. “You said ‘Reiner’ in your sleep. Four months off isn’t enough-“

“Jesus, can you just shut the fuck up?!” Eren snapped. “I passed my psych evaluation. I can handle myself. I did it back then, didn’t I? Now you want to intervene during my negotiation with Levi. When the fuck do I get to be the fucking man?”

 “You’re still upset about that?” The blonder questioned almost in disbelief.

Eren gave a humorless laugh. “Mad? No, I’m tired of you making me look like a god damn idoit. You gave me the reins on him and then you just take it away the moment I make a break through.”

“A break through, that’s what you call that? Flirting and exchanging intimate details with a serial killer. While I’m not a psychologist even I know that a red flag to avoid.”

“I needed him to talk,” the brunet reasoned at the pettiness of Erwin’s argument.

The older man shook his head in disapproval. “There are a 101 ways you can break him down but you’re trying to win him over. For what purpose? Levi isn’t your regular killer. He’s a borderline genius, so if you think for an instance you are tricking him you’re damn fool. Levi playing you and you’re allowing it. That’s why I stopped the interview and that why I want you to resign and let me take over.”

“I’m not letting this case go. I’ll go Pixis if I have to but you’re not kicking me off.” Eren rebutted.

Erwin sighed and paced the room, rubbing his temples. “Eren, you don’t want to play this game with him. Levi is up to something and I don’t want you to get involve like…like before.”

Eren stood firm. “I’m not giving you the case. I can handle this.”

“Eren.” A sigh left the exasperated blonde and watched Eren forlornly.

Then he understood, Erwin was undermining him or declaring him incompetent. It was fear for his safety. The memories of Eren’s abduction and torture haunted him too. He didn’t protect him that time and Eren nearly lost his life for it too. He discarded his gun, letting it bounced gently on the bed and hugged Erwin’s back, chest pressing close to his spine. Nuzzling his head into the blonde’s board shoulder, a wave of tranquility washed away the blistering rage.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered into his shoulder and felt the other man release a shuddering breath. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“You’re important, Eren. I don’t tell you it enough but you matter more than you can imagine. I just want your safety….You can’t gamble with your life like a chess piece…” His voice wobbled and cracked as he calmed himself.

Eren rested his cheek on the side, staring at the clock that blinked with red numbers; he permitted Erwin a moment to collect himself. “Let’s make an agreement.”

“Oh no.” Erwin chuckled lightly, voice still tinged with sorrow and guilt.

“Interview Levi, if you can get him to talk I’ll resign.” He proposed.

“And if I can’t…?”

“You let me do my job as I see fit.”

“Eren…”

“Just trust me, Erwin. I need your trust in me.”

“Alright.”

  

[x]

The earth and dry leaves crunched under his boot, tiny feet gliding across the terrain like a ghost. The cold barrel was frosty and heavy in his small hands, the soft tips of his fingers tinted with rose at the nippy air. Gloves only got in the way, you could lose your grip from the blast of the rifle, no gloves Levi.

_You do this on your own if you want blood._

His father watched a far on a mammoth of a rock that crested over the hill, the trees were bared of their foliage and soft bark; he felt their abrasive surface as he leaned his spine against it. He spotted it, two clicks to the south, a buck. It trotted between the trees, seeking edible food, it small lips nibbled on a blade of grass. He peeked around the tree once more before steeling himself, taking a steadying breath to quell the thundering in his chest. Levi could taste the iron on his lips, could feel heart beat palpitating then ceasing off, the screech and squeal of a wounded animal. So close to his kill, it was a maddening adrenaline spiking his blood like a forest fire.

The hunt. So deliciously enticing as the feeling of slick copper sliding between his finger, sinking into the beds of his fingertips, the sound that bones made when he applied the right amount of pressure to break it in half. It was so difficult to pinpoint which part of the kill he relished the most and today he didn’t have to. No one was here to interrupt him. No eyes that would cower in disgust and repulsion.

He could feel the weight of his father’s eyes, lined with crow feet and deep set wrinkles. The suspension hung in the morning dusk; he inhaled softly and bolted as timidly as possible in a half squat. He accidently stepped on a stray twig and the buck flinched at the sound, regarding the line of trees. Levi ducked behind another trunk in time.

That was too eager, too reckless. His father would berate him for that slip up when this was over. People don’t lie and wait for their end, they would fight. He had to be agile and swift enough. He eased the thundering in his heart that had his nerves unhinged. With steadier hands, he leaned around the bark with his rifle propped. The butt of the gun pressed against his chest, one hand neck the barrel and the other coiled around the trigger, the metal cold and familiar to him. An instrument of death like him. He lined the point of the gun to the buck. He waited as the creature went back to its meal and _squeezed._

A single round bellowed through the barren forest, startling the birds perched on the precarious branches and other animals skittered away from the sound. Then the loud _thump_ of a heavy body meet the frigid ground, the ribcage expanding and de-expanding with strained breaths.

He turned the safety off, using the leather strap to place the rifle on his back as the extracted a large hunting knife from its sheath at his hip.  Dove shaped eyes widened frantically at the moving form, the sun reflecting off the clear blade. It made inhuman sounds for mercy but all Levi could see was the blood. It set his teeth on edge. He distantly heard his father’s footfalls coming behind him. His father wouldn’t interrupt him, just observe. For Levi’s safety he told him but Levi saw the curiosity that his father held.

“End its suffering, Levi.” His father guided and the raven nodded in understanding. He had a clean shot to the head but he needed the moment the life spilled away like dropped milk. 

Levi pinned the head that thrashed away from his hand, sinking the tip of his knife into the soft fur straight through the jugular. Another anguish cry tore at the buck and soon it’s withering ceased. He withdrew the knife and saw the steal marred with vibrant ruby liquid. He touched it and the blood transferred over to his fingertips. Pushing them together, he enjoyed the sensation of warm substance gliding across his fingers. Without preamble, he plunged the knife into the buck’s gut, drawing the blade upwards, allowing the innards to leak out to the ground. The red rope plopped down and steamed in the frosty air instantly. He shoved his hand in, feeling out the inside of the animal. But that soon got dull and he rolled the creature over on its back, peeling the fur further till the ribcage peeked under.            

Fear anchored there perpetually just filtering in the light on occasions when the monster poked under the mask of a child. It was the equivalent of keeping a collared cub under your roof. One day that cub would grow into a lethal predator; Levi would be just as capable and efficient as one. And like those who kept exotic animals in their homes a bond formed even in the light of the danger to himself and the community. Levi was volatile despite the calm and stoic guise and the small and petite stature of a young child. He was never completely under his thumb.

An hour passed before the monster was sated and the animal disfigured beyond recognition. Levi rose and faced him. And it many ways he appeared the same to him aside from the blood on his hands and face. It was his eyes that differ completely. His eyes were no longer the color of a rolling storm cloud but the polish surface of a sword. The flame that flickered in the buck’s life now ignited a spark in his. The barren well that only bounced echoes of emotions was filled to the brim.

His dead eyes were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be mindful, that torture tag will come again with Levi. i don't think this chap is very good but hopefully it was decent, yes? Next chap will have more Eren and Levi interaction plus Erwin, so drama will happen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nile was wildly amused by his reaction. “Aw, you’re scaring them, Levi. Didn’t you want to save them? Here.” He braced one arm over Levi’s head and crept in tight and sucked all the air out. “Save them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow a update after a year? i know what a douchebag but i got a case of major doubt and insecurity over my whole writing. typical but i kicked my ass and well here it is. i hope some of you are still out there waiting on this. it a turn off when a author stops without any notice. feel free to yell at me. oh and this chapter has violence against children.

It felt like ants crawled across his skin, it was itchy and he desperately wanted to pick at it to cease the sensation. His eyes vexed on the house parallel to him, arms draped limply on the handles of his bike. Nile Dawk. His spur of child killings ran on for years, one girl after another plucked like a flower and decimated from the world.

Then silence. Completely deafening silence. A quiet that turned most men to madness.

His killings had stopped altogether, three years and not a wail of sirens had passed down the road with officers and yellow notepads.  And now the world was muted and the young girls of the neighborhood ran a little bit more freely with the drought of murders. It pissed him off. Had him whirling a storm of calamity that left his vision red.

Why did he stop? What happened? How could Nile control his bloodlust while Levi’s ran unchained like a loose rabid dog with no master.

A month, it was exactly a month since his father took him on a hunting trip. One month of near slip ups that unmasked the beast within him. 30 days of keeping the lid down on a boiling pot left on the highest degree. Four weeks that he had his fingers unstained by copper and tissue. He could feel the ripples of the coming tsunami threatening to topple him and wash away his foundation. Levi needed to kill. Wanted to kill. He had to drive his blade through flesh and tendons. The world sounded empty without the sound of broken bones and screams of panic and pain. Fantasizing about it almost calmed him but the memory no longer sated him. It wasn’t enough.

“Levi. Wake up!” A thin hand waved frantically in front of his face and his body bolted away, unprepared. Surprise widened his eyes and the angry storm brewed underneath the mirrors of mercury before he reined the monster back to its cave.

 Not here and not Farlan. _Too obvious,_ he rationalized to beast; _the cops would question me first_

“Farlan, don’t scream in my ear.” Levi warned, the voice sounded placid but the irritation lingered beneath the surface. Being caught off guard wasn’t an experience he enjoyed, much less when he was craving for blood again.

 _Blood_ \- it echoed back to him; the well was empty but it always was. Each life on his hands and the well grew into a bottomless thing.

Farlan pulled his bike next to Levi’s, silver with fresh mud stains on the surface, he propped his chin on the handles a moment after Levi did. The raven watched the house, seeking the slightest twinge of movement from the blinds.

“You see a ghost?” Farlan asked.

There was no such thing as ghosts in Levi’s world only monsters. “Don’t be stupid.”

No onecame for the time being and Levi buried the ravenous monster aching to peek under the vile of an young teenage boy. The other boy next to him stubbed his white converse into the earth, pushing over the dirt that gave away.

“Come on then. Summer’s almost over. Let’s go around the park again, yeah?” The blonder prompted, propelling from his spot and pedaling down the vacant road.

Levi remained motionless, like a baby cub gluttonous for a meal but too inexperienced in the art of killing to quench the need. How many days would he wait till another girl was snatched up from the night like a bad nightmare? How many more gallons of blood would he spill as he skinned them alive?

And Levi, how much longer could he hold on?

He grounded his teeth, the action not soothing the restlessly energy thrumming through him. “Fuck this,” he gritted to the silent house, the hushed neighborhood, to the well howling its hunger.

 His feet found the pedals on his bike and glided over to Farlan who waited expectantly. The blue eyed boy took the charge and Levi kept a few paces behind him as the compulsive impulse to glimpse at the house once more pelted him like thunderous rain.

No movement. The raven would see to it soon enough. For now, he was just the boy on the block that loitered in tight groups of settled sheets, minding his actions to stay out of the spotlight.  Killers blended in. If he wanted to last, he had to make himself invisible to everything by being bland and unassuming. Monsters did well in plain sight.

[x]

It was easy getting in. People were all creatures of habits and routine and, monster or not, Nile was not exception from this rule. Even the beast needed his daily dose of mundane activities. And he liked to frequent the small strip mall further to the city to collect his weekly groceries.  A person with his acquired taste wouldn’t leave the first floor windows unlock or even a faux rock to stash away a key. The basement was another story.

Thankfully his small physique made it less tedious to climb through the tight space. He didn’t expect the poorly stacked boxes though so his feet tipped them over while he dangled from the ledge. He dropped, grimacing at the slight pain when he landed wrong.

He attended to the toppled boxes then there _it_ was- _blood_.

 _Blood_. The substance of human life. There very thing that made the darkness recede. He could hear the void inside of him howl and snarl for its dinner.

Its aroma was so sweet his skin buzzed with excitement. Electricity danced on his body like a formless ghost, presence known but too vast to tamper down.

 An ultra violet light to this room could rival any given night in Manhattan. Blood thickened the atmosphere like a heavy musk.

 Maybe his kind was only attuned to these kinds of things but the basement was spotless, so to speak. Not much to the gray and desolate décor other than forgotten storage bins, two year old paint gallons and other junk people hoarded like the flu.

The floor was bare cement, cold and hard as the earth in winter and it all slanted in the center of the floor into a large drain. Most families units on his block had these additions so there wasn’t much to take from it. But the bronze had been eaten at by a chemical; for an area so rarely visited it- it was unnecessarily cleansed.

 Here. He found his playground, four walls of hard rock under the earth. So disgustingly near. In a place so unimaginative, it was unbelievable to even consider it twice. He kept them close to home then deposed of them so far away; an inconvenience to a killer but to a serial child murder it was worth the risk. Child murders were a great crime to all of humanity; steps of precaution were required.

So close and he never knew. Didn’t guess it. Thought Petra –all of them- were taken to a remote cabin with the silent trees and distant highway to listen to their screams. Every inch of skin was peeled across the street. The girls cried only a couple feet away. His father- the former LT of the department remained blissfully ignorant about it.

He felt so fucking stupid. What he felt more was respect, as bitter as a pill to swallow, he couldn’t condemn the monster, so perfectly concealed in a neighborhood of attentive parents and himself.

The well roared in his ears.

Knees raced to the floor, finger tips mapped out the invisible rivers of blood to the drain. All those lives poured out like human waste.

What a crime. To throw away a gift like that. Levi should’ve of felt shamed for thinking that but he never wasted anyone’s blood. He let the liquid wash his pale skin, watched the red highlight the nooks and crevices in his palms.

Petra deserved more than that. If he killed- no, he wouldn’t- but if he _had_ wanted to; Petra would’ve been given a finer end. 

_Were you scared, Petra? Did you realize the people you trusted so much were monsters? How long did he keep you? There must have been so much blood, was it that that stopped your heart?_

Fantasies were the only thing that gave him clarity. He easily imagined the room filled with two bodies; Nile and Petra. The scalpel sliced through her skin like soft butter.  She screamed and shrieked, calling for her mother, hoping against everything that someone would save her. The monster kneeled to her level and wiped the tears rolling down her cheeks; he assured her that she was alone.

_“Scream. Keep screaming, sweetheart. Your voice is lovely but only I can hear. Cause all of this belongs to me. Your fear. Your pain. Your cries. They are mine. I will not share it with anyone else.” Nile’s dead eyes swelled with delight as Petra cries became more violent and panicked._

_“Ple-please!” She barely managed._

_“I will give you back when I’m done. Your parents will be able to bury you, I promise. People need to grieve. Everyone deserves that at least.”_

_More skin came away, flimsy and sticky; Nile dangled the flesh in front of her. “All that noise for just a tiny bit, Petra. You can do better, right? Try not to move this time.”_

Boogeymen preyed on small children. And monster or not, Levi was no different.

 

 [x]

 

His world was smeared with smudges of grey and a burning sun.

“I would expect better from the son of a cop. But goes to show you how indecent some people are.”

Shoes clinked off the cement and ricocheted off the sound-proof walls. Four walls, deep in the ground, he was trapped in the playroom. Panic came first, once an emotion he never thought he experienced so strongly.  His first response would be to pull away and run but he felt the bindings and the thick metal pipe running from the ceiling to the floor. Trapped and no one knew where he was.

Nile crouched in front of him. A wetness dragged down the short hairs of his undercut to the collar of his shirt.  “My father’s a cop.” Levi told him. It wasn’t an empty warning. If Levi went missing, Kenny would rip this world apart to find him. 

“Yes. It’s true I can’t kill you without possibly risking myself. It won’t do any good to let you leave either. So we’ve have a dilemma here.” Nile said.

“You plan on cutting me too? Go ahead.”

Nile’s hands were weathered and calloused from age and his extracurricular activities. He skinned countless girls with them. They were welled versed in the act of peeling flesh from a human. “No,” Nile answered. “You know pain. It’s all over you. You like it. Carve it. Dealt it.”

Rage whipped out violently in him. “Don’t talk like you know me.”

“Pain won’t teach you fear. Even now, you’re not scared. You’re hungry for it. Always thirsty for more.”

Violence moved him without his consent but the restraints snagged Levi back and cracked the back of his head on the pole. It rang like a church bell then receded with each echo.  “Cut. Me.”

“Animals don’t quite make the cut.” The monster chuckled humorlessly and flicked his eyes to the play pen. “The fear isn’t the same. Not like a person’s. A person moves, cries, begs-“

“Girls cry,” he interjected. Killing a child and a full grown adult was not the same, not justifiable. It wasn’t clean. “Are adults too much trouble for you? Too chicken shit for a real- “

He didn’t finish the sentence, head whipped to the side from Nile’s fist.  Blood coated his tongue and he spit out the excess, it got across Nile’s spotless floor and he grimaced at the stain. Good.

“Would you like to know what I do with their skin? Why I keep the skin but leave everything else intact? I can see you do. You want to know. You want to try it. Cut a person. Hear them plead for their life. Nothing will bring you closer to God like than killing a person.”

And he did, deep inside, Levi wanted all that and _more_ and the idea Nile had an inkling of truth to his words revolted him.  He couldn’t voice that out loud; admit his own weakness so plainly. This monster and him- they weren’t the same even if their hunger was.

He chewed his lip and broke the surface, hoping the pain and blood would center him. “The girls never leave me even when I return the bodies. No. They stay with me. I keep them. The skin belongs to me.”

Nile reached behind Levi’s viewpoint and dragged a heavy chest. Reverently, Nile ran his palms across the leather and unlatched the brass lock, it opened with old age and the monster pulled his mask as life warmed his expression. “Petra’s here. Do you want to see her?”

Petra was dead. Died long age, he watched them bury her at the cemetery; saw her passing hollowed out her mother into a husk.  Spirits didn’t exist or linger behind, people died and that was it. All forms of cognitive thought stopped, the brain shut down and the body followed. She wasn’t in there, nothing he that would recognize as Petra anyway.

“Petra’s dead, you idiot,” Levi said tersely. _You killed her_ , he almost snapped but no it was his reckless wrath that landed him here. He couldn’t afford any more foolish mistakes now.

“No. She’s here.” He canted his head and smiled at the darkness in the chest.  “She misses you, Levi. Won’t you say hi?”

Levi stiffened; an ugly, creepy sensation slithered to his gut and pinched. Darkness obscured whatever was tuck away in there as Nile reached in. When he pulled back Levi was even more perplexed. It was heavy, thick and leathery like an old jacket, discolored in an unnatural fashion like a spotted cat. Each sewed section aged older than the last.

“Give me a moment,” he unfolded the quilt and this patch of leather was much paler. “Ah. Found her.” He pointed at the fresh leather- no- it wasn’t cow skin.

“P-Petra?” The horror stripped him open and Nile laid her across his bent knees and the feeling of dead girls on his person made his choke back bile. “Get it off me. Get it off.” He pushed back and kicked at it but that only spread it out wider and they’re all touching him. In his withering, the cuffs of his jean hitched upward and the empty barrier brought him closer to the girls.

“You- you fuckin-“

Nile was wildly amused by his reaction. “Aw, you’re scaring them, Levi. Didn’t you want to save them? Here.” He braced one arm over Levi’s head and crept in tight and sucked all the air out. “Save them.”

Everyone wondered, the cops were left fumbling; just where did all that skin go? And it was right here, sitting on top of Levi and crawling on him like something straight out of a horror movie. No matter how much he jerked and swayed, more skin clung to him as it realizing Levi was there to rescue them. Felt the memories of the girls mold to him. Felt them shiver in fear and squirmed to hide inside Levi from the boogeyman.

Don’t let him put us in the box, they screamed.

Nile was talking again but the sensation of preserved flesh- hell knew how many- dirtied him so much Levi legitimately feared his own rapid heart might stop.  Then a fist snapped him back and away from the thought.

“I really thought you could handle it. I mean you’re a nasty little thing. Those poor animals- it like you put them through the grinder. Do you understand why I showed you this?” A painful grip pinned Levi to Nile, the shitty goatee, that atrocious smelling cologne…he was too close in his space for his comfortbut he wasn’t thinking about the quilt made of human skin or how weak he was in this moment, twitching and gasping pathetically.

“This is what you’ll do to me,” he hazarded- clearly this display was nothing less but an irrefutable threat written in skin. “If I talk.”

“No, no, no.” He shook his head and, thankfully, his slimy face wasn’t right there breathing down on him. “I know your secret too.”

It was easier to breath now. In and out. Don’t  look down. Don’t. Look. Down.  Levi inhaled through his mouth to escape the smell fighting to plug his nostrils and suffocate him.  “That I gutted Lucky the dog? Cops will slap my wrists for that. Community service and a few months of therapy. I live with a single dad and no mom to love me. People will feel sorry for me. You though, you know what happens to child killers in prison? Rape, beatings- you won’t last the month.”

“No. You’re right. A child shouldn’t have to live in such a terrible home with an abusive father. One that beats you bloody till the point you can’t even stand up.”

And oh…that was Nile’s ace right there his father. Something in his chest plunged like a sag of rocks and his body felt icy and hot all over; that have been might be his heart. He didn’t know it could even do that. It had to translate on his face because Nile became extremely smug and rubbed his hands.

“I saw the scars, Levi. All over your pretty back.” He pitched in a cadence sickly sweet that Levi felt maggot wormed under his skin. Levi didn’t want to consider Nile running his hands under his clothes while he was out cold or he would actually vomit right then.

“Kenny has a lot of anger inside him. Bet you do too.  I have a feeling you like to mouth off and act like a brat and maybe that’s what gets Kenny so mad. Mad even to whip you up like that.”

“Shut up,” Levi growled but Nile picked away at the putrefied wound and tested out all the ways to get it bleeding.

“I’m telling you now that those scars,” and he waved to convey the space of Levi’s back. “They’re staying with you.”

“Stop. Talking.”

Scrunching his lips and staring thoughtfully at the ceiling, the monster pondered more verbally. He couldn’t skin him like all the others not in the physical sense but inside Levi’s head- it was a new play pen for him. And, boy, did Nile want to play. “You cried like a bitch the first time, right? Couldn’t move without it hurting. Even long after the wounds heal and the pain fades your daddy gave you more. Kinda sick if you ask me.” He raised his arms up. “I know, I know. Child killer, what do I know, huh? But the girls don’t suffer more than necessary. Your dad just loves hurting you and marking you up. Like I’m not a pedo but Kenny gave me that vibe. I wonder- has he touch you _inside_?”

Screaming, the beast was screaming and snarling chained broken and running loose on the neighborhood.  And he knew he was bleeding because the bindings were slick and slippery whenever he flicked his wrist to lunge out and eat Nile’s throat.

 He felt it become a corporeal thing; an extension within and it scratched its nails down the well and the foundation actually split and weakened. And then it _screamed_ , throaty and demonic, and he had no idea something that nefarious lived in him.

“That,” Nile tsked. “That’s going to get you caught. Fluffy or Lucky won’t stop it anymore. You’re going to kill soon, Levi.  I figure you stay quiet, go back to controlling _that_ by gutting a few more dogs. I stay to myself- do what I do best which is skinning- and no one knows about me or you. You can keep that dysfunctional cover you call a family and maybe I’ll hunt elsewhere. Or, be smart and use this to advantage. Read all the case files you want, I’m the real deal and I’m an expert in the field, anyone else will fail you in the long run. But I survived. I can teach you. Right now, I’ll grab some poor sob and you can cut them up real good. How about a big guy? I know you not a fan of kids.”

“You think I want your help?” It snarled. “I’ll take the chair.”

“Why? Because I offed a couple of kids? New flash, Levi, serial killers are sick no matter how you twist it. You think you’re so different than me? You’re not. Just wait till the day comes and that person is in your hands. You’ll see how sick you are too. The world won’t see a difference so why should you? If anyone saw what we are they’d kill us both. So stow the moral superiority crap and think about your survival.”

Kill one person and you’re sliced from the same meat. Killer, monster, psychopath those were all niffy little labels for humans to put away the bad eggs.  Putting down Benji made him sick like them. Kenny saw it and thought it because behind all that stone hard former cop bullshit, Levi terrified him to the core cause he was sick too. Sick like all the others his dad wanted to lock in bars. But sick as he was, Levi wasn’t as sick as Nile.

“Pass,” Levi answered; the beast couldn’t do much but paced with no outlet for the anger. That didn’t stop Levi from rotating his wrists and cutting a little deeper. Something needed to hurt; right now he was good enough.

“I’m disappointed. “ Nile frowned, looking almost put out by Levi’s refusal. “Not surprised. Nothing changes. We go back to our covers and we both live as they illusions we are. I have to say this was a first for me. I kind of liked sharing with you.”

“The feeling…is not mutual.” The room was being swallowed in blackness again and anxiety shrieked for a second till he remembered the lacerations. Blood loss, he really was an idiot.

“You’ll pass out.” Nile straightened and cracked his back, yawning before dipping down to gather the girls and locking them safe.  “Kenny’s still out so I’ll take you back. Don’t mistake my forgiveness. Come here again and I will add you to my collection. I’m very comfortable here and I hate to relocate over a brat that can’t bury his pride.”

He would be under soon, it was a lot of effort to keep his head up and track Nile’s movements. “Eat shit,” he said because this was a day full of stupid, pigheaded mistakes and Levi figured he get some more in while someone was keeping score.

Nile huffed; in the short time between Levi’s blinks the chest had vanished as if it never existed, and Nile was dusting his hands off like this whole kidnapping a kid and tying them up was just another Sunday chore. Oh the fucking irony of it all. “I have to clean again. Looks like my dinner will wait for longer.”

Levi took sick pride in delaying Nile’s perfect routine. “I’m not sorry.”

“I’m not an idiot. I don’t expect you to be. You like your own messes just not everyone else.”

“You should shut up already.” Levi shallowly panted and damn, he thought he had a bit longer to act out but his body was going to sleep mode already. His eyes didn’t bother to stay open but he could hear Nile grabbing out a mop and supplies just fine.

“When you black out I will. You ruined my day and I’m not above torturing children. Never was. They’re fun.” Levi heard the ugliness in his smile. Fucking sick fuck.

The image of Nile’s Martha Stewart craft project projected itself into the back of his lids. Tucked away, he felt them again and he wondered how many showers he needed till he felt remotely clean. “I can’t wait…till everything around you comes crashing down…”

“Hmm,” he mused. “Sounds something a sadist would say. You sure you’re not a killer, Levi?”

“You said that-that I would,” his voice slurred and the tongue in his mouth might as well be a dead fish for all the help it was giving him. “That I would kill.”

“I did.”

He grunted around the pain, it was the only thing keeping him awake. “…why?”

“Because your eyes are dead, Levi. Been dead too long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my writing's rusty as hell but hey, it wasn't too bad. 
> 
> hajime said something about Eren reminding Levi of himself when he was younger in regards to lashing out with his emotions. i like to think this Levi had to through thru a phase similar. plus Nile is the only serial killer Levi ever encountered and he got cocky. i think it a good lesson for him and I wanted to write Nile too and make that creepy skin scene.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Air flooded his own lungs.
> 
> “Did it hurt?” he asked as he tracked the wider, uglier ones. Once Eren started, he found it hard to stop the touch.
> 
> “Every time,” the words vibrated through his skin and bones straight to Eren’s fingertips. 
> 
> How could someone so cold burn so hot?
> 
> Flesh, bone, blood— disarming with it fragility— it provoked a disorientating thought in his mind:
> 
> This monster of madness had some human qualities to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked for some Eren/Levi interaction? Enjoy.

It was a bit chaotic. The pigs were squealing that awful sound they made whenever they're hauled from their cages and onto the hook right before slicing their throats. At first, Levi enjoyed it a bit; you know a little sociably acceptable killing that came with a paycheck. Sure everyone mocked him and called him the freak cause they had a part time job at a normal place like the resale shop or a café. But duck taped the well. After all the glamor, the squeaky shrieks just annoyed the hell out of him.

The smell of shit still lingered and he put gallons of bleach to this place the last few weeks. Wouldn’t do for the slaughter house to suddenly smell like bleach and ammonia. Levi had to ease it in subtly for the big day. And, surprise, it was that day October 31st. So it was the cliché of all clichés to pop his cherry on but Halloween was when all the monsters came out. This year it was his turn.

The boy shifted on the floor, sleeping and drooling, it looked like he was having a good dream if that bulge in his pants was any indication. Maybe he was fucking his girlfriend in that dream. Or perhaps Thomas. Franz did beat him to death over the whole fact Thomas was a homosexual. Text book closeted angry gay he supposed, high schools were filled with him. Everyone thought Thomas ran away, ashamed, after a few jocks took some scandalous photographs of Thomas and an older man and pasted them all over the halls. They were kind enough to print _go die, faggot_ on his locker.

 Levi saw it, the permanent words that hurt normal people, they dug deep and kill a person better than knife. It made him happy that he wasn’t one of them, abnormal. You have to accept yourself for who you are to be happy.

Franz coveted that madness in himself, mostly the pathetic kind that involved putting people down, hitting his girlfriends, and tossing around the school labeled freak. Levi was one of those freaks but his kills couldn’t be personal. Never get personal, it made you the person of interest. Cops checked for enemies. So Levi waited for the day Franz would slip into that darkness and commit an act worthy to merit his first.

A trail of blood was left behind deep in the woods and the fall leaves blanketed their tracks. The body wasn’t too far from the crime; he had some sense to mutilate Thomas’ face beyond recognition and kicked out most of his teeth.  A note planted in his bedroom and the opened drawers and the noticeable lack of clothing solved the case as a teenage runaway. The handwriting matched so Thomas did plan on escaping but not before Franz got to him first.

Levi was on the fence on whether he should move Thomas somewhere more accessible. The cops weren’t looking anymore and, honestly, the flyers pleading for information on Thomas was a serious eye sore.

Maybe in November then? An early Christmas present from him to Thomas’ family, Levi liked to spread the spirit.

“Wha-? Whe-where am I?” Franz stirred to semi consciousness.

Levi pulled away from the gate where he was watching the pigs. Their noses twitched up at him when they saw their bin was devoid of food. He felt kind of shitty starving them but hungry pigs ate _anything_. “Hey,” he started, unsure, and a bit nervous.

“You’re that fucking freak…” Franz shook the fog from his head and up righted into a seating position, eyes scanned his environment- pigs, shit, the meat hook, bone saw, scalpels- till he became nauseous.  “W-what the fuck! You gonna rape me you fuckin’ fag?! Sick fuck. Whatthefuck. Whatthefuck.”

“Rape?” An emotion other than disdain spanned over his visage. “I have taste. As for where we are, this is the slaughter house. We’re closed right now but I opened it for you.”

He grinned at that, Franz only stared on as if this was all a bad dream; this was a special night for them both so this would serve as Levi’s specialized prom night.

A blood curdling wail startled Franz and the pigs slapped their fat bodies for food. Levi quieted the messy pink faces as he shouted over the railing. “Oi, shut up. Food’s comin’ so cork it. Noisy fucks.”

“It’s Levi, right?” he started off softly. “C’mon, man, I-I didn’t mean to be such a dick to you. I’m sorry man— so fucking sorry. Please I’ll stop.” His voice stopped with whimper. “Pl-please man. I won’t bother you again. I swear! Just let me go. I won’t tell the cops.”

“I don’t care about that. But I’ll take your apology thanks.”

“You don’t have to do this! Let me go! Please!” He begged and shifted his legs to crawl further to Levi. “Look I’ll-I’ll blow you. Whatever you want. Just. Please.”

Now Levi was pink from mortification, he hadn’t predicted this occurring. Not that he could be swayed so easily with sexual services but he hoped when he engaged in sexual activities that it’d be with someone much more attractive. He thought boys with big eyes were very appealing so Franz failed on that.

 “Stop that,” Levi groused, distancing Franz from his crotch. At least he hit the mark on the closeted homosexual archetype.

“I’ll do whatever you want! Whatever. Just let go me. Pleasepleaseplease.” Desperation tarnished the average features of his face when the sterile lit room had no cameras in the corners.

Levi saw the direction of his panicked eyes and followed the path then went back to Franz. “Security is shitty here. Good for me. Bad for you. We have cameras in the front but they’re more for show, Sal likes to cut a lot of corners. ”

Shaking with denial and refusal, he trembled. “Y-you can’t! People will look for me.”

“Sorry but Halloween is a busy day for law enforcement. Dumb kids and all, gotta keep an eye on those graveyards and pranksters. And I don’t plan on leaving your body for anyone to find,” Levi assured and felt a swell of pride on his part. Meticulous planning and time consuming researching made this moment a reality and he couldn’t believe how close he was.

All of this was the start. No more useless animals would fall on his blade after this. The well might shatter with a feeding of this magnitude.  

“No! Nonono!” The violent sobs and sniffles progressed to the point that Franz choked on his saliva and retreated as far as possible from Levi. But his back hit the cart lined with instruments of death and cried when the bone saw clattered toward the edge as if it had a mind of its own.

“You’re filth, you know that. Everything is dirty because of people like you.”

“I’m-I’m so sorry. So sorry. Please. Please! Don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.”

Most people didn’t need to kill but Levi wasn’t a person, he’d never been, didn’t stop him from coveting it the way boys coveted over a car or sex. That was similar to normal people: to have needs and wants, to strive towards selfish whims; perhaps he was more human than he thought.

“I do. I really want to kill you.”

 But where to begin? It felt a bit like heaven as he ambled to the cart, sterile and shiny with his friends neatly placed; the linoleum below had lost their glossy luster long ago but he attended extra care to them this night. It was pretty and white under him and he thought the color of blood would contrast very nicely when the first slash was made.

So pristine and neat with white purity—clean.

This world was brimming with so much filth and unchecked madness; it was in dire need of a cleansing.

Franz fought Levi as he dangled him from one of the meat hooks. He screamed himself hoarse, fruitlessly calling over the squealing pigs to the world outside. No one heard him.

Levi donned on the butcher’s apron, tied the knot firmly at his back, and slipped on plastic clear gloves. Dragging the cart over to his prey, Levi scanned over the sterile metal, their gleaming surface called for his attention.

The bone saw would be for later to evenly cut him up into pieces. An instrument like that would end it too soon and Levi wanted to play with his devices.

Knife it was.                                                                              

The blade passed over and mirrored dead eyes.

“Pl-please!” Franz cried, strings of spittle flying out outward and drooling down his chin whenever he opened his mouth. Other sickly fluids leaked from his eyes and nose, a person on the brink of pain was a pathetic thing.

“I’m new to this,” the smirk he gave Franz wretched out an ungodly gurgle. “I recommend screaming. I heard it helps with the pain.”

 

With the first cut, Levi felt something _breathe_.

 

The first slice, Franz screamed.

       —Flesh rendered easily to his sharp edge. It resisted little and gave away everything.

               —This was what it was to quarter a person like meat.

 

The second cut, a little deeper and squishy fat lined the skin below, he pleaded for his life.

       —Blood. Warm wetness pour down the latex and dribbled to the floor. Even through the thin,   material, Levi could feel it slippery texture.

                   — _Drip, drip, drip._

_—_ More blood. He howled.

As Levi severed off a finger—he was very curious to a live reaction to the bone saw— Franz promised he wouldn’t tell anyone if Levi let him go.

      — _I know you won’t. Stay still now, Franz, or I’ll cut too deep._

He explained to Franz that nothing would remain of him, only the memory he left. Franz wept until the tears stop.

 

When Levi pried him open like a science project, felt the inner workings of the human system and its hysterical panic, his words tethered to primitive phrases _stop, please, no._

_—No more._

_—Not yet._

As he unhooked Franz and his body sagged to the floor, he was dead but Levi was nowhere near finish. No rest for the wicked and Levi was terribly wicked tonight. Mouths to feed and a body to chop then back to the skin he wore everywhere but here.

         —Dead eyes gone. No sounds echoed or rippled in the normally vacant well.

               —Addictive. The road before him was paved with their bodies—his victims. The count would be great.

 

Nile’s words resonated profoundly within him…

_—You’ll see how much of a monster you are_

With the crunch of bone and squelch of flesh chewed by blunt teeth, Levi saw the monster within much more clearly than ever. The blood on his palms caked and dried as he witnessed the mass destruction of a human body. It was all chaotic- the sound of meat smacking their lips, their shrieks when one body shoved another for a bite, the smell of piss and shit- but it was also very lovely.

 

Blood and piss mingled, the single evidence of Franz’s existence, he took a bucket of water and ammonia to it and the cocktail of human waste made rivers to the drain. He mopped the traces up, wrung out the excess over the sink, and washed the mop until the water ran clear under the faucet.

The pigs settled after the blood fest, oinking and nosing for morsels of Franz, the few too far to get a taste waddled through the mob to Levi and angled their moist snots upward.

Levi showed his hands. “All gone.”

 

[x]

 

“Here,” a girl inched the flyer into Levi’s face, face blank, then recognized the black and white pixel face on the paper. He really wanted to laugh and snatch the missing person flyers from her arm, to tell her to stop wasting her time. But normal people didn’t do that, they expressed compassion and take the thing to give the person some hope.

It pretty stupid, Levi thought but grabbed it. She smiled and there was so much suffering in her. Levi did that without even cutting her. “I’ll keep an eye out.” He lied.

“Thank you, Levi. I know Franz wasn’t…wasn’t very nice to you. He wasn’t great to a lot of people. ”

“It’s fine,” he said because he wasn’t very talented at making small talk. But it was enough for her and she went off to pass out more to other students arriving for class.

The paper held the weight of Franz’s body in his hand. He could almost feel the slippery blood weeping down the blade and on his hand. It was three weeks already but Franz lived in him still. Farlan read the paper over his shoulder. Then Isabel plucked it out of his lifeless hands when Levi did nothing but thinly grip it.

“You know what they’re saying?” She started as she confirmed the word on it for herself.

Levi wasn’t in the social loop so no he didn’t know. “What?”

“That the Skinner got him. Everyone’s waiting to find him in a ditch.”

Oh, that was just rich, Levi really wanted to laugh now. The fucking odds of it, a few faces stopped showing up and everyone pinned it on Nile.

“Izzy,” Farlan corrected because unlike her, he lived through that time with the fear and acceptance of little girls disappearing and dying. “Don’t say things like that.” He looked at Levi possibly expecting Petra’s memory to resurface- it didn’t- being a monster made death a hollow thing unless it was done by his hands.

“First Thomas then him,” After Farlan stern scowl, Isabel’s voice dwindled to an indignant murmur. “Alright. Sorry.”

 

[x]

 

Officer Kirstein sat Levi down forcefully at the table, overlooking the frown Erwin directed at the unwarranted hostility. Nothing passed over Levi’s face to communicate he felt or registered the pain.

“Did I hurt you?” The police officer mocked. He didn’t conceal his enjoyment.

Levi looked up as he loomed above, eye sharpened but hollow of base emotions, and said. “No.”

In the time from Levi’s answer to the falling of the officer’s smugness, a sub predator in front of a real one, a silent sentence was delivered.  The FBI agent interfered before any more could be exchanged.

“Thank you, Officer Kirstein. I’ll call you if the occasion arrives.”

“Yea,” he concurred but his gazed fixed on Levi. “Be outside.”

Without further encouragement, he exited more softly than he entered. Erwin retrieved several manila folders from his brief case and piled them neatly along the edge.

“Just you?” Levi asked as Erwin checked the tripod and the attached camera.

“Yes. Agent Jaeger is taking a personal day.”

The raven didn’t buy it. “You’re a horrible liar.”

“Agent Jaeger and I have different approaches. Don’t expect me to indulge you.”

“Oh?” He hitched an eyebrow in mild curiosity. “Going to break me down, find my Achilles’ heel and peel at it?”

“Everyone has a weak point. Even monsters.”

“You have a weakness too. Relationships aren’t exactly your repertoire, is it?”

He brushed off the jab, reaching for one of the folders; he opened it and laid it down for Levi’s perusal. “Do you recognize her?”

Hardness edged the lines of Levi’s features into sharp points. He went under the pretense of scanning over the paperwork decades out and brown from age, the photograph paper clipped to the file of the CI alone provided him with everything he needed, but he read through it, the links of the cuffs slapping loudly against the table as he thumbed each page. The sound coarse as the picture and the memories it summoned.

“Yes,” he answered, voice tempered to portray no range of emotion.

Erwin stomped down his own disappointment at the absence in Levi’s reply. “And your relationship to her?”  He pressed and purposefully dabbed his fingers over the photo.

Long black hair, milky complexion, and angular features; a carbon copy of Levi Ackerman all the way down to the petite physique of his body. A tangible statement made known to Levi every time he looked in a mirror.

Levi’s eyes sharpened on Erwin. “She’s my mother. Though I’m certain you are aware of that.”

“If it helps, I had to utilize a great deal of my position to acquire this information. Whoever buried this wanted to stay hidden.”

“But that isn’t all you discovered, am I right?”

“Yes,” Erwin agreed.

Levi crossed his legs elegantly as if the iron on his wrist didn’t exist and condemn him all the same. “And I bet your shitting yourself in excitement to recite the details to me. Talk. I have time, Agent Smith.”

“You’re not immune, Levi. Act all you like. You have scars that bleed and rot like the rest of the world. I’ve meant harder, colder men who committed graver and more sinister crimes than you. I’ve seen them sob like newborns when I picked at the scabs in their minds.”

The monster grinned, a minuscule curl, mouth twisted and black like barbs. “And those grave crimes—they followed you home long after you clocked out and filed the reports away.”

“Comes with the job.”

“Along with mental instability, addiction, suicide, _divorce,_ ” Levi listed off.

Erwin dropped his eyes, worked frustration over in his mouth like a gum. “Your mother was your father’s CI for the short time he worked in Narcotics. Before that she had several drug charges and felony for gun possession. She was a heavy user.” He read over another report; the browning and coffee stains dated its age, another document from the same time span. “Or so Kenny Ackerman’s notes say. A little bit of everything. Risky. She liked variety.”

That gained nothing from the raven, only the same blankness shared with students sitting in an early morning lecture. “You’re a bore.”

“Maybe you would like to talk about your victims instead.” The agent suggested lightly.

“I think I made myself clear to Agent Jaeger that I would speak to him about that.”

“I’ll have to ask you not to bring my colleague—”

“Colleague?” He snorted. “Cold word for a man you’re fucking. Is it better a cunt or an asshole? You were married to Marie for twelve years, must have plenty of evidence to make a comparative.”

Erwin’s hands trembled and he did everything in his power to will his body to stay seated and not to lunge over the table and choke the man. “Excuse me while I step out for some coffee. Officer Kirstein will keep you company.”

The abrupt action of leaving and pushing his chair almost toppled, it scratched and marked the floor with white streaks. Not the first or final physical remnants this room witnessed on the daily.

“Take your time. A bad cup spoils the day.”

 

[x]

 

After his nightmare Erwin attempted to coax Eren back to bed but he couldn’t go back to a place so fresh with festering wounds. He went his _office,_ composed of a crappy store bought desktop showing it wear with case files organized indiscriminately on top, and hunched over crime scene photographs from a number of case, some cold other closed years ago. The sight of dismembered people and artful spray of blood on the wall became so common to him, it was close to soothing.

He made sure Erwin didn’t follow while he did it. It would only strengthen his case that Eren needed to step back and get professional help. And maybe he did need the help. But he couldn’t afford it, not now as he was closing a high profile case, not after the all-nighters and sleep deprived days he endured.

He attempted sleep at four in front of his TV, woke up to a soundless apartment, then scouted the shadows for forms. He was alone, not counting Erwin in his bedroom, but he turned the TV on and dialed down the volume and watched late night cartoons until he passed out.

The next time he came to the sun slanted through the blinds, television screen black from inactivity, and a cold cup of coffee set on another store bought table, a yellow legal pad next to it with scribbles. Even with the dregs of sleep hooding his sight and a soreness in his neck, Eren recognized the handwriting. The message didn’t deliver so swift as he pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes and fought for clarity.

_Eren,_

_Take the day._

_-Smith_

Eren drank his coffee as he read the note again. Take the day?

 “Fuck that,” he grumbled as it crumpled between his fingers into a tiny ball.

 

[x]

 

“You didn’t wake me,” Eren said as he spotted Erwin by the department coffee machine.

“I see you didn’t take my advice,” he grumbled.

“I don’t need a day,” he argued, propping his hip against the counter so Erwin would regard him with his fullest attention. When he didn’t, Eren studied over his sour deposition, brows knitted and mouth folded to a frown.

“What’s wrong?” The question was a whisper in the coffee room.

Erwin ceased his robotic movements and rubbed his temples, trying to will away the pounding headache.  The cup sat black and steaming. He made a fresh pot for himself. “Levi knows about our personal lives. Past and present.”

“So that’s why you didn’t bother waking me up? To get a head start without me meddling?”

“Eren,” Erwin sighed tiredly, tending to his cup, and sipped. “We’re at work. I hope I don’t have to remind you to keep this professional.”

“Oh.” He muttered bitterly and carved space between them. “Oh, okay.” He repeated, voice poorly regulated to a placid tone. “Be professional. Here’s my professional opinion: I’m the best we got. Levi wants me. He’ll talk only to me.”

“We had this conversation last night.”

“Yea. And look how well it going. Complete shit.”

“You’re having nightmares from the last time you used your talents with a serial killer. Remember how that ended? How I found you? The nights you couldn’t sleep or eat? Do you want that again, Eren? Levi will not torture you. Not physically. Whatever affection he has won’t stop his nature. Look at his victims. They _suffered_.”

“And I don’t know that?” The brunet strode forward, face in Erwin’s, not as lovers but as men at odds.

“I think you don’t know your limits, Eren.”

Commotion and the hurried footfalls of officers shattered the tension, both agents whipped their heads out and observed the blue uniforms sprinting down the corridors straight to the interrogation rooms.

“Go home,” Erwin ordered before going at a run

Eren trailed after Erwin, earned his steely glare, and passed him to witness two officers dragging a disgruntled officer down the hall. Officer Kirstein’s knuckles were slit and broken with blood.

“What the hell happened?” His superior shouted somewhere far behind him. Probably confronted with Jean Kirstein’s current state. Eren didn’t stay for the aftermath.

 

[x]

 

 The handcuffs sat on the table, ominous in their message. “Agent Jaeger.”

The eyes in the reflection were shades of dead and mad. Dead found Eren’s own shade of darkness, crept in like the boogeyman in your closet.

Felt flayed and naked to the marrow of his bone to Levi as if he could see the clockwork of his body and mind; helpless like his victims, memories nudged at the forefront of his thought insisted that they be acknowledge.

Lost in his own mind, Levi’s reply jolted Eren to the present state. “You could shoot.”

Entrenched conditioning pulled his gun but its weight felt immense in his palms and his fingers twitched alongside the trigger. Hesitation. The last killer aimed at the end of his gun didn’t have that mercy.

So why Levi—

 “On the ground now, Ackerman,” he disengaged the safety, cocked the hammer resolutely, the clink thunderous and potent in its message. The delay didn’t equate his unwillingness to kill if need be.

_Kill him_

_No_

_I’m not done with him._

“Out of everyone on your team, you have the highest body count. Should I be worried?” Injuries of the altercation were illuminated devastatingly under the stark light; however it happened, Levi absorbed the attack. The only defenses ones were on his forearms to deflect the blows from their target.

Of course, Levi gleamed that from his files, not that it made the implication any less acidic in his mouth. “Self-defense,” Eren said, voice clipped. That what was read on the reports and he wouldn’t change his tune. “They gave me no other alternative.”

Levi pressed and Eren retreated in turn, the lack of distance inspired more than panic but anticipation of another kind, the same he felt locked in this metal room with him the first time.

“Self- defense?” Levi stopped his advance when Eren’s finger cradled the trigger lightly, chewed the idea, and hummed doubtfully. “It’s the yellow tape that borders you off from the other killers. Convenient.”

Levi angled his shoulder slightly, dead eyes bright and malevolent on Eren till they shifted back. All that violent energy bottled inside of Levi as if it never left, with no outlet or source to escape to, the room’s ambience carried the fallout of a catastrophic storm.

 White fingers gripped the back of one the steel chairs and pulled. “Sit.”

“Put the cuffs back on,” Eren ignored the suggestion that came more like a command.

“You’re tense” he faced him fully, hands up for Eren’s viewing, “have you been sleeping at all lately? PTSD can take a hard toll if you let it. I’d hate for you to become ill so soon after our reunion.”

“You fucking serious,” a dry, harsh laugh bubbled out his mouth and it trembled down his body, but his hands stay steady on the trigger. “I don’t have PTSD. I checked out fine after my evaluation. Now the cuffs, Ackerman.”

“The psychiatrist at the FBI disposal are complete shit, I’m surprised none of their clients are pill poppers.” Levi said, then checked the clock sitting overhead. ”Our time is limited, Agent Jaeger. “

“How did you get out?” Eren indicted the handcuffs.

Levi shrugged. “Officer Kirstein keeps his key in his front pocket. I picked them before the other officers arrived.”

“Fucking cops,” Ere cursed.

The raven permitted a tiny grin, the bow of his upper lip was broken and caked as dried blood, and cut split open. “You don’t sleep without it. Do you think keeping a gun under your pillow can kill Reiner’s mark?”

_Painful shudders rippled through his body as each breath leaving him tore from the inside out with claws of anxiety and nausea. Tears welled in his eyes, burning and desperate for release but he denied them with a gasp._

_Quiet- stay quiet, Eren. For the love of God, Eren, stay quiet._

_Eren inhaled deeply and pushed all the air out slowly._

_In and out._

_In and out._

_Couldn’t think on the questions playing on repeat. Couldn’t wonder where was Erwin and his team and why haven’t they found him yet. It would only serve to drag him down to the descent of panic and depression. It may have been hours or minutes since his abduction and it’d take the next day before anyone noticed his absence. Eren had to pull himself till then, give everyone the time to find him._

_“I’m okay,” he whispered, hushed and fearful, worried his voice would rouse Reiner and restart the torture. “I’m okay. It’s okay. I’ll be okay…please…let me be okay…please.” The tears came back, unbidden, but he granted himself the tiny, meek whimpers as he realized Reiner was gone or lost to sleep._

_“Let me be okay,” Eren begged to no one but he hoped something, whatever was out there was listening._

_He told himself he wouldn’t scream, he didn’t, but that could change very soon._

_Footsteps came, hollow and heavy, the dark was too thick to discern his body but he heard his labored breath — excitement— he hefted a weight to the ground._

_He wasn’t alone._

_Her were cries were muffled._

_All the blood drained from him, left Eren sick to his stomach._

_Another woman was going to die._

_Reiner was going to make him watch as she died._

_“She’ll scream. Watch.”_

Screams, the buzz of the drill, Reiner’s manic voice flashed in his mind, sought to take him, but he fought the memories. Reiner was dead. Eren was safe.

_I’m safe, I’m safe, I’m safe…_

“This is part where you tell me how we’re so alike?” He tested his voice for any weakness and was grateful when it didn’t waver. This was the same as before, Levi liked to unhinged him with his knowledge of Eren’s past but, truth was, he didn’t know any more than what he read on some paper.

“He was a mad dog. You can’t say there wasn’t some enjoyment putting him down.”

“Reiner had every intention to kill me if I didn’t stop him. And other girls would’ve died. I saved lives.”

“True,” Levi agreed. “He deserved to die.”

_Yes_ , a hateful, vile thing whispered vehemently in his head.

Eren paused, fearful to give life to the dark creatures living in his brain and too determined to allow Levi a hint that what he said may be something he conceded on, he hoped the beat between his words and the next didn’t betray his thoughts.

“I didn’t say that,” he argued.

“No need. The autopsy report said plenty. You won’t hear any complaints on my end, rest assured.”

Eren bared his teeth.  “I’m not like you.”

“But you _are_ a killer. The body count speaks for itself.”

“First you make advances for sex now you’re accusing me of being a psychopath. If you’re aiming for my affection, you’re fucking it up.”

“I meant no offense.”

“Right. Just my discomfort.”

“I think your discomfort stems from elsewhere.”

“Cuff yourself.”

“If I do then I can’t answer your question.”

“Wha—“

“My father. You wanted to know the nature of our relationship. I can show you the nature.”

“I don’t understand.”

“An exhibition.” Levi unbuttoned his shirt and spread it past his shoulders. All his function boiled down to the ivory skin, the black hair thinly peppered on his chest and the hard cords developed from the labor of killing.  “A gift.”

His breath came faster and irregular like a man on a track. “Show me.” Eren lowered his gun a fraction, barrel facing the floor, rational mind screaming at his for this lapse in sanity.

Levi elegantly turned away and displayed his back.

Scars, so many that crossed over and overlapped that he lost count, some merged and conquered others like a great beast. Their complexion was pale, nearly sliver and impossible to see if the light caught on it; the scars were too old and faded to be recent. If he had to put a timeline, he’d track it to late pre-pubescent to early adolescent and carried onward. Not a single inch of skin was sparred.

Levi was marked. Scared for the rest of his life.

It was more than abuse. It was a brand that Levi could never outlive or wash away. Kenny ownership of Levi prevailed through death. An unnerving emotion bubbled from his gut up his throat: fury, disgust, and sympathy. He endured the abuse since the tender age of a child, and those were just the marks visible on his body, and probably persisted long since then. If any time separated them then Kenny made sure to reclaim his hold over his son once they reunited.

All his priors jabs and pokes at the relationship between then seemed in poor taste and he felt shame flood his face. “Why did he…?”

“Why do all fathers beat their children? Drunk hate. Poor manners. Resentment.” Levi replied with a level of matter-of-factly that directed hot rage on him.

His teeth grind hard with it, and now his gun felt weightless. The world had cruelties and there was the acts you told yourself didn’t happen in you day to day life. But they did. “Disassociation. That how you cope with it?”

“It happened. I moved on.” His shoulder rolled and the scars moved under the bone, alive, and Eren felt  the bite of leather coil back, taking flesh, and the flow of blood oozing down the spine as if it was him.

 Not once. Not twice. In great numbers and in rapid succession.  Each strike more painful than the last.

He was angry. At how far removed Levi was. At the placid manner he spoke and exhibited his body lie nothing more common than a tattoo. More than anything, Eren was pissed at how much he felt _for_ Levi. The part that ached to comfort him. To be the person who never did, who never knew his suffering, the person Levi never afforded until now.

He arrested the thought before it planted and flourished. “Do you like pain?”

Levi looked over his shoulder, skin purpling to a nasty shade under his right eye. The blood at his brow clotted and dimmed to a brownish red.  “Mine or others?”

 “Both”

“It centers my mind. But I wouldn’t go as far as to call myself a masochist.”

“And other people?”

“I like their pain.”

Eren swallowed, tongue parched. “When you stabbed me—did you enjoy that?”

“To a degree,” Levi husked. “More than anything I liked marking you.”

“Why?”

“I’m a possessive man.” Those words had more an effect than Eren wanted. It beckoned a hot feeling.

“Do you want to hurt me? Again?”

“Not in the way you’re imaging.”

“Kill me?”

“No.”

He shouldn’t take Levi for his word. Right now the images of his victims replayed back to back, morbid snapshots flashed from person to person. Bodies quartered to clean, neat pieces. The faces warped in their agony, forever locked in it. All the injuries transpired before their death. They suffered.

He suffered.

Levi suffered.

The pain had to stop somewhere, shouldn’t it? It couldn’t continue, he didn’t want _that_ suffering. Not Levi’s.

He treaded forward tentatively then pulled to a complete halt after overtaking the safe barrier he’d erected. Heat exuded from the warm, live body in front of him. “Move an inch and you’ll be meeting all your vics in the grave. Got it?”

The raven’s body tense with awareness at their proximity but did no more than glance at Eren. Light fell on his brow and shadowed his eyes. Madness kindled in the dark, a siren to a sailor at sea.  “You have the power here, Eren. Use it.”

He touched him and felt the admission of air rushing into Levi’s lungs and the expansion of his ribcage as it accommodated in turn. The scars bled to sliver when the light brushed it. The skin was abrasive and unpleasant as the tools that created them.

Eren knew what he was doing and in same sense, he had no clue. Had no power over his emotions. Perhaps a day off would’ve favored him.

Air flooded his own lungs.

 “Did it hurt?” he asked as he tracked the wider, uglier ones. Once Eren started, he found it hard to stop the touch.

“Every time,” the words vibrated through his skin and bones straight to Eren’s fingertips.

How could someone so cold burn so hot?

Flesh, bone, blood— disarming with it fragility— it provoked a disorientating thought in his mind:

This monster of madness had some human qualities to him.

 It was a mistake.

The knowledge dulled all his senses that the loud, cacophonous retching of the metal door didn’t jar Eren out of it. But the owner of the voice did.

“Agent Jaeger. A word.”

His hand snapped back, flushing cold and hot at once, and he couldn’t summon the courage to meet Erwin’s face. If it was half of what he saw as he passed him in the hall, then he was certain he was royally fucked.

There may have been more but Erwin was accompanied by two officers. New faces he hadn’t bother to save to his memory bank.  “Officers please cuff Mr. Ackerman and escort him back to his cell.”

Levi was buttoning up and smoothing the wrinkles in his clothes, face calibrated for blankness. “Before that, I would like to make a call to my lawyer.” He rolled his shoulders then extended his arms, wrist to wrist, the deceitful image of a compliant gentleman.

“Fine,” Erwin nodded at the two uniforms. “Cuff him first. One call and straight to his cell. Do not engage him under any circumstances.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you see the scars? His own father did that to him.” He could feel their phantom patterns as his mind refused to render the memory. The coarse ridges resonated vividly on the tips of his fingers, haunting.
> 
> “So he is absolved of his crimes, then? Nearly every killer we put behind bar has a similar story. The world is filled with injustices, Eren, that’s what we’re here for. To right those crimes. ”

Levi’s imprint burned viciously long after they departed. It took a deal of concentration to dispel it entirely. Despite the work, it was still there. Grating. Nagging. And scorching.

“What was that, Eren?” Erwin started as the door closed behind him. His tone tried for placid but rawer emotion lurked beneath the surface like seeing the bottom of shallow water.

Eren knew a shitstorm when he saw one and pulled out the chair to sit it out.

 With the heat, there was a bout of unacknowledged pain elsewhere, the throbbing of a poor nights rest, the harsh stinging in his eyes because the lighting was too bright, the tights knots in his back from the couch. It wasn’t apparent prior but now he couldn’t stand on his feet for longer than a minute.

The tranquility of the room was incongruous to the firestorm of his mind.

Eren saw his reflection before he could think better of it and damnably pink flush tinged his cheeks. The lie that the coloring was due to stress and not the intimate touch shared between him and Levi held some truth to it if Eren pretended he was a fucking idiot. It became the more convincing if he stomped down the urge to all watch the mirror out of his peripheral vision.

Surprisingly, the took a lot of his strength to do so.

“You want to argue that you’re mentally competent but I see that—and the hell am I supposed to think?”

He didn’t want this conversation the night of, he wanted even less now though he knew there was no sidestepping it.

Eren manufactured his own version of calm and that version had plenty of thinned lip and gritted teeth. “What happened with Kirstein?”

His superior adjusted the lapels of his suit regardless of its pristine state. “Levi provoked him.”

Perching one elbow on the desk, the back of his knuckles covered the disrespectful jerk of his lips. “Sure about that?” He asked behind them, outright full of sass.  “All the injuries on Levi’s person suggest Kirstein attacked first.”

“And he did nothing to stoke the fire in him?” Erwin countered.

Eren elected not to answer that. Kirstein’s fuse ran pathetically short so one could debate whether Levi provoked him or the officer’s deficient supply of tolerance reached its limit. No matter how you sliced it, it was police brutality. Then it happened under the FBI’s watch on a high profile case, you didn’t have to know the media to see the scandalous headlines this could print if it got leaked and it would. News like this didn’t stay bury. Nothing did.

“You share a sentimental moment with him and now what? He is no longer the monster we hunted for months. Levi is not the man that tortured and butchered those people like pigs?”

“Did you see the scars? His own father did that to him.” He could feel their phantom patterns as his mind refused to render the memory. The coarse ridges resonated vividly on the tips of his fingers, haunting.

“So he is absolved of his crimes, then? Nearly every killer we put behind bar has a similar story. The world is filled with injustices, Eren, that’s what we’re here for. To right those crimes. ”

The room felt too tiny and tight with no refuge for his ire to rest and slumber. He did his best to behave; he wasn’t quite in the right either, any other person would’ve cuffed Levi immediately. Not only did he lay down his gun, he took it further, to a place he shouldn’t, and got close to Levi. Personal and recent knowledge of Levi’s lethal nature didn’t escape him.  It throbbed and pulsed whenever he was too rash or negligent of his body.

A hand cradled the healing wound; he hoped that foolish part of his mind would catch up with the rest of the world.

“I didn’t say that,” he argued. To be frank, he didn’t know where the fuck he was going with this or when his brain decided to malfunction and sympathize for a monster like Levi.  But he did and the cold graves with bits of people Levi left behind couldn’t stop him. The blood on Levi’s hand wouldn’t wash away, he doubted Levi wanted to, yet he reached for those hands and cradled them foolishly as the blood tainted his own.

Erwin was fighting to stay compose and to anyone else he came off as such but Eren’s job conditioned him to read a person’s body like one read numbers.  “No. Your actions do. I’m seriously considering going to Pixis about this.”

“We have bigger problems now. You left him unsupervised with an officer who has numerous complaints against him for hostile behavior. His lawyer will take that to court. They can throw the case for police brutality.”

He gave Eren a flippant gesture. “No judge is throwing this case on a civil suit. Don’t be…”

_Don’t be childish, Eren_ , the sentence finished in his head but the words faltered on Erwin’s tongue.

“Charges have been dismissed for less.”

“As I understand, this isn’t your area of expertise. Leave it to the GA. We play it by ear for now and see what terms Levi sets.”

“We wouldn’t be here if…” Eren started but stopped, knowing the comment would set Erwin off more than he was.

 So this was how it was to walk on eggshells.

 

Erwin bristled, apparently that little bit Eren slipped out was plenty ammunition. “I try to look out for your well-being and I’m at fault? If you’ve taken more time off and didn’t insist on returning to the field, I wouldn’t have to take such measures. As someone with a background in psychology, I thought you take more care in regards to your mental health. ”

Eren scrubbed the frustration off his face. The white heat radiating now was definitely anger. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” He surrendered. Anything that came to him would add fuel to fire and the fire was doing swell without their assistance.

An argument wouldn’t solve the situation. What happened, happened. Now was damage control.

It became clear then how exhausting this all was, the change of face from superior to lover, the reemergence of the past, how often he had to defend that he was fine. Granted they had as many good days as bad but those days came fewer and farther in between after his abduction. Their dynamics were severely altered by it. The gentle hand at the small of his back now roped his wrist and tugged Eren back like a toddle wobbling to the center of the street after the red ball rolled over the curb.

Maybe Erwin didn’t see it that way. Maybe it was difficult on him to be his superior and his lover in work and out of it. And it was getting hard not to resent it slightly.

Their argument saturated it in a suffocating silence were neither could escape.

 “Sir?” Rico peeked in from the door.

It was the first sound either heard that wasn’t their own breath.

Then Erwin’s mask changed, over bearing partner to callously professional FBI agent as easy and as fast as children switching costumes before Halloween. “Yes, Rico?” His voice was modulated, you wouldn’t guess they were in the middle of another dispute, and Eren tried to give a fuck.

She surveyed the room, delaying the message she was about to reply, then pressed her lips. “The captain went over your head and contacted Pixis. He’s on his way from Baltimore, sir.”

Eren’s eyes ran over the open CI file and picked out the name before Erwin swept it up, _Kuchel_

“We’ll talk later,” he told Eren right before he slammed the door after his retreat.

 

[x]

 

“So he finally lawyered up?” Auruo snorted behind his mug. “The fuck he waiting for? An invitation?”

“An opportunity,” Rico mused without looking up from her blackberry.

Eren stood off to the far side of the room and stared into his cup mutely, physically removing and secluding himself from the conversation, and warded off the headache. Coffee helped a bit. So did putting some distance from Erwin and he didn’t like that he liked being away from him.

It was becoming too easy to push his buttons. Too easy getting piss and staying like that for hours

It was stress. Sleep deprivation, nightmares, and cases had a nasty effect on good people. Made them nasty too, warped them to a black form so far from humanity they could put bullets in the backs of people’s heads as fast as the media printed lies and bullshit.

Not that Erwin was any closer to his forgiveness, he could cop it up to Eren needing rest but the fact stood he used it as an opportunity to interrogate Levi without his input. He could argue Eren was too close to this, too fucked up from the last time, but it didn’t justify what he did.

Now they had this steaming shit pile of a problem. Eren wasn’t a fool. This was Levi’s opportunity to get some legal upper hand on them. Civil suits weren’t much but the defense could run with it. Spew a number of theories about the FBI and their integrity. Reasonable doubt was the end goal. Jury naïve idiots with a grudge against the system, the feds, and the injustice dished by local cops and Levi would be walking out the fucking door and their entire case would be in shreds.

Just thinking about the man hours they’d work to rebuild a case again was enough to induce a bout of anxiety and a second thundering wave of migraines.

He tipped the mug back for another sip and found it empty.

“You weren’t with him?” Eld asked. “Eren?”

Eren blinked up from the black specks of coffee grounds. “Sorry?”

“Usually you’re with Erwin during the interrogation.”

“Oh.”

“Yea. Aren’t you the catnip for serial killers?”

Rico smacked down her phone and the sound jarred Eld and Auruo from their slack positions. “That’s inappropriate. Apologize now.”

His lips twisted in a dry sneer. “Inappropriate?” he questioned, shaking his head. Auruo rose abruptly and pushed back his chair, banged into the wall so it dented and scratched the paint job. “Inappropriate is fucking your superior.”

“Jesus Christ.” Eld exhaled, covering his face with a hand.

“Want to remind me what you’ve done to close a case?” Eren challenged. “How many nights did you spend at the night going over every report, scanning through every damn crime scene photo until you only saw red?”

He strode over until he was in Eren’s space and cocked an accusing finger at him. “Fuck you. Don’t act like I don’t give a shit. That I’m not as dedicated as you. Just cause my zipper doesn’t get going at a murder doesn’t mean anything. You know it makes me wonder how you’re so good at it. Maybe the reason you’re so efficient at this shit is because deep down you’re as fucked up as them. Shit, I bet it won’t be long until you’re in that fucking chair and I’m taking down the names.”

Besieged by a fury so torrent and malicious all else incinerated in its wake.

 “For someone so sure I’m like a killer, you got a lot of balls,” Eren pressed in, rolling his board shoulders and stealing the space to accommodate him, as a nasty darkness colored his eyes. “You think provoking me is smart?”

 “I think out of everyone here, I’m the only one to see through your bullshit, Jaeger.”

“Look, we’re stressed. It’s been a long week for all of us and it’s not going to get any better if we’re fighting each other. Take a moment.”  Eld interjected and set a placating hand on both men’s chest and produced some space.

 Rico grabbed Eren’s arm and jerked him to the side but he hardly budged. “Enough, both of you.” She tugged again, using more strength than she’d to admit.

Eren brushed her off and puffed out his chest. A feral energy positioned the young agent malevolently and shaved away the boyish softness off his face.  The hazardous aura darkened further but Auruo held his ground, too stubborn and pissed to notice it.

“Eren,” she scolded. Unlike the man in front of Eren, she had enough sense to realize this would drift off into bad territory very rapidly if nothing was done.

This time she didn’t hold anything back and pulled until he staggered a few paces back. “Me and you. Out.”

“Are you—“

“Shut up and move, Jaeger.”

She swiped up her bag, holstered over her shoulder without pause, and ushered Eren out the door. Two uniforms scattered down the hall as though rodents frightened by a sudden noise at night. They made short talk that was cheap and faux as they slyly looked back at the two agents storming down the other direction.

 

[x]

 

 

“You can’t be taking his side.” He nearly slammed the door behind him, adrenaline pumping through his body and making all his actions volatile and hasty, but Rico caught the handle before any damage could be done. The agent took the nearest seat before the anger manifested into physical exertion. If he got violent then Erwin would throw him off the case.

Damn, should’ve taken the day off, he thought ruefully, combing both hands through his hair.

He felt as if he’d been strapped to the end of a car and dragged through the dirt and gravel, several trips, and by the brief glimpses he caught on the windows between the break room and here, his demeanor showed it. A part of him was stupidly piss at Rico for her meticulous appearance, not frayed or emotionally rattled, but that went only skin deep.

“I’m not. He shouldn’t have brought any of that up but a brawl right after a police officer brutalized a suspect under our supervisor will not look good on us.”

Wayward bangs dropped into his line of sight and he pushed them back with a vengeance. “Got anything to add to the list of complaints? Seems like it’s all I’m hearing today,” he snipped, failing to tone down the waspish tone when Rico warranted none of this.

Right after Erwin, Rico was his second go to person in the Bureau; she didn’t hold a grudge like Auruo and was wiser than Eld plus there was whole not-wanting-to-fuck-her thing that occurred with Erwin.

Working in front of the press made her immune to most retorts and insults that’d send a lesser person to hole to cry themselves hoarse. Rico placed her belongings on the space beside her and crossed her legs, flawlessly hands folded neatly on her lap.

She couldn’t shutdown the artificial performance any more than Eren could shut down his morbid mind.

“No. For one, I knew about you and Erwin.” At Eren’s immediate gasp of astonishment, the corner of her mouth twitched, the rare sighting of a half-smile.

When admission made Eren a mute, she elaborated. “You two didn’t leave too much to the imagination unless you’re those two. Call it a woman’s intuition.”

The fight zipped out of Eren and he sagged with the removal, head hung and shoulders slumped. “Fuck, I didn’t realize I was so easy to stalk,” he muttered to himself.

“I may over step some boundaries in my curiosity,” Rico shrugged almost bashfully, the most human gesture he’d ever seen from her, the FBI image diminished briefly.

Eren looked incredulously.

At it, Rico clicked her tongue, aiming a manicure finger at his face. “Don’t give me that look as if you haven’t used the fed card.”

“Not to stalk people,” he said slowly, reeling from the admission.

“I did not stalk you. I assessed the intel you provided and made an educated guess.”

“Spoken like a person who plays with the press.”

“We use the gifts we’re given.”

Distaste for the word choice showed with grimacing curl. “I wouldn’t call what I do a gift.”

Gifts pitted him in the arena of geniuses, artists, dancers and that comparison bothered him as if slipping into the madness and coming back half the man he was a pallor trick for the world to gasp and awe at. Nothing that he brought back was worth the awe and reverence.

“I’m in charge of what the press knows and what they don’t. I misdirect the people to give us more time to work a case. I withhold information that’s too vital to it in the defense of protecting a lead, knowing that that info could mean the difference between life and death for someone. I lie to them when I say we are close when we haven’t traveled an inch, that they shouldn’t be afraid to walk alone at night when they should watch their backs at all times. That makes me the worst kind of liar out there. ”

“There’s a world difference between you and me.”

“True but you’ve made a world’s difference with it. Don’t forget that. Perhaps there are a lot more dents and scrapes on you. Maybe we’ll never see the world as cleanly as we did before everything. But a lot of good was done, wasn’t it? We take the darkness to make the world brighter for everyone else.” She added. “And disregard everything Auruo said back there. He’s an idiot.”

“He’s right though. I’m fucked.”

“Eren, what you went through would ruin most people. Few people come back from that, fewer intact. Time will help. Maybe after this case, you should consider talking to someone at least.”

Someone usually was substituted with a shrink. He agreed to give her some piece of mind, no need for two people to drown together. “Yea. I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” Rico stood and fixed her blazer. “Pixis will be here soon so in the meantime there isn’t too much for us to. I suggest you get a power nap in between.”

He observed her and asked, “Where are you going?”

“Coffee run. The crap is terrible here and the only thing to eat is glazed donuts,” she said as she hitched her bag over her shoulder, keys clinking before she rolled them into her palm.

As she was stepping out, Eren said, “Get me something. Please.” The boyish smile looked tired and tight like paper stretched over a knife.

“Sure but if I find you awake and hunch over a paperwork when I get back, I’m throwing it out.” The menacing tone with the waggling finger wasn’t require, Rico was the type to pour the coffee over his head rather than toss it into the trash. Something similar happened with Eld when he pulled two all-nighters in a row after Rico explicit instructions to get out and relearn live outside of the lab.

The next smile came a little more natural, less taut and ashen. He saluted her off in good humor, “Loud and clear, madam.”

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

He heard the distinct sound of a restrained body struggle against binds. The hushed frantic breath emitted after each failed attempt. The soles of person’s feet as it scuffed the floor, kicking outward for leverage but gaining none. Blood, sweat, and tears perfumed the musty air like flowers in spring with the blossoming petals and bare buds.

 It was Reiner but their positions were severely reverse and he got his gun. His eyes dropped to it then up at Reiner and the awful madness consuming itself over and over. Pressed the barrel to his temple cruelly that his head cocked to the side and muzzle sunk in the skin so he knew Eren’s intent; so no doubts lingered—

 

          — _I’m going to take as you did. You’re going to learn to fear me._

 

Twin smiles of lunacy marred their faces, disturbing reflections of one another.

“Eren,” Reiner’s thrill rolled over him in claustrophobic waves, the smell of his breath as raucous as soiled milk. “Can you scream for me?”

There were bad men then there was monsters. A bad man could be redeem, spend the allotted years behind bars, learn to live with bad men, and come out changed. A better man, a civilized one. He saw the error of his ways and made the right steps to apply it to life without bars, But monsters, you couldn’t redeem them or save them, that shit didn’t work and they didn’t see where their morality and the world’s didn’t add up. Error that word didn’t exist in their vocabulary. Words like prey, food, victim, toy, game, hunt — killers said them with reverence; it created a separation of class like they’re the elite and the all of humanity were expendable cattle.

 Killing to a monster was a normal person’s past time.  Artists painted on blank canvas and brought colors and emotions with it. Monster ripped people to shreds, their canvas littered in behind a gas station dumpsters, in ditches, in shallow graves, in the creek; and created mass horror and terror with it.

But what did that make of killer’s killer? Where did he fall in the spectrum of bad men and monsters?

Eren couldn’t tell you. To be fair, the lines were blurry and time was wasted on the side line debating it, monster ran unchecked and he couldn’t allow that.

“No. But you will,” he said, whipped the gun across Reiner’s face, blood splattered as pain tacked on.

Bad men.

Monsters.

Didn’t matter, Reiner was a dead fucking man now.

Reiner wasn’t afraid— no— he smiled as if his teeth didn’t rattle from the force, as if blood wasn’t dribbling down his chin.

“Scream.”

The cement wall caught the sound of the butt of the gun against meat and echoed it back as the blows came in an unrelenting succession. Reiner could hardly recover to taunt let alone regard him with those dead eyes, so attuned to pain by now.  The scent of copper was making his blood buzz, the beginning of the landslide of his humanity, and it seeped out.

It should be enough—Reiner at his mercy; the sight of his face reeling back every time he made contact. Now there was an _itch,_ and no time in the future was it simply going away, and it crawled under the surface of his skin, leaving footprint of red hot anger and bloodlust so carnal the imagines conjuring in his brain was frightening himself.

 

Because now—

                              Eren wanted it.

 

But not for Reiner’s victims—

                                             For himself

 

 The road to justice stopped right here—

                                                    But the signs up ahead said he had miles to go.

 

Ha had no time for detours anymore.

Slid back the hammer, the metal smooth under his finger. Sighted the muzzle point blank so his aim was true. A bullet at this range, there was no survival. No return.

The kickback buzzed up his arm as the slide of the gun jerked back then forward. A single casing soar from the ejection port and clinked to the floor, the sound was hollow and the golden shell warm.

Reiner head slouched back lifelessly.

Eren lower his guard, the fear that encumbered him like bags of sand slipping off his frame like a tangible thing, and he wanted to collapse and relish the extraction. Unshed tears shimmered in his eyes.

Disembodied laughter rumpled from beneath the floor and quivered up the walls. The lifeless body strapped down now trembled, alive.

Body moving eerily as creeping shadow, Reiner whipped his head up. When he opened his mouth, blood stained the whites of his teeth. “Scream.”

“Why won’t you die?” Eren bellowed as blood spilled out the charred circle of the tunnel in Reiner‘s skull his, it fanned out and dyed his brows, racing the bumpy wide bridge down his nose and curving at the laugh lines framed around a ugly grin. 

Incensed, he raised his hand for another blow — he wouldn’t die. He wouldn’t fucking die.

 

                 — _Tell me how many times do I have to kill you?_

_–Until you become like me, Eren._

Fingers coiled powerfully around Eren’s wrists and arrested the action.

Panic cocked his elbow back but it was easily deflected and caught. Whoever was behind him pulled Eren’s back to their front and their warm breath fanned down the side of his neck, dotting the surface with goose bumps.

He bucked wildly until the unseen person spoke directly into his ear; voice a perfect cocktail of savagery and serene.

“Do you know how to kill a monster, Eren?” Levi asked.  He relinquished the gun and set the leather hilt of a knife in it stead, laying his pale fingers over Eren’s dark skin to show him the proper placement of his hand.  Eren’s grip was firm and steady as if his hands never knew anything else.

The lock on his arm loosened, and Levi’s cold presence soothed the raw rashes as the disabling choke of fear unwound around his neck.

He looked at the raven then to the knife.

Turning over the blade, a reflection appeared on the silver edge and its features very human, so close it fooled everyone but the eyes were distant, open in a way a hole was.  It seemed someone carved out all of the humanity in those eyes with a hot poker.

The colors named themselves in his mind, the shade of—

 

                             Moss after the rain, a brilliant shade, as water feed its roots.

 

And—

 

                            The abrasive terrain of the moon at full bloom, full rotation complete

 

Eyes dead, two monsters stood side by side.

“By becoming one.”

_—Can’t you see it, Eren?_

                                                             — _The monster._

_—The one in us all_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Eren are given an ultimatum. Eren's nightmares are becoming more real by the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, this fic has fanart and it's rad as hell and you should definitely give the artist some love.
> 
> http://chibinico.tumblr.com/post/150088989339/youre-a-monster-levi-im-not-youre

Eren stumbled back into reality, the world balanced precariously on the ledge and the tangible feeling of dried blood under his finger nails. His hands flew outward for stability and ground himself to the sofa. The unpleasant, cheap fabric dented under his strength, dull nails scraping and creating equilibrium.

He blinked and saw blood on his fingernails, the walls, the floors; as if someone planted a bomb inside a person’s belly and detonated.

Blinked once more, scrunched his eyes tight, and controlled the hectic pumps his lungs. Hoped for the next time to be less bloody. Prayed for the chaos to recede.

Opened and, more copper and instruments of cruelty closed in his fist. A terribly wonderful feeling pulsing through his veins, its inviting warmth spoken of home and belonging, a womb to crawl into and emerge reborn.

Felt the person astride of him; a mentor, a friend, a person who madness nurtured his and cultivated to a tame thing. Scales of silver fish floating to the water surface shredded between blue pearlescent shells glimmered for a fraction as he pressed closed to Eren, guiding and patient, and the touch did more to calm Eren than revolt like it should.

Closed again, because now he’d rather see a thousand bodies decaying at his feet than imagine that touch guiding somewhere lower and wetter. He dispelled the heat shimmering in his gut.

Looked at the world, tentative, for monsters and emotions that put his psyche into serious scrutiny, but nothing.

He checked the left then the right and abruptly—

Sharp blue eyes and a mouth devoid of lips stretched into a red grin so tight the skin looked as if it might rip, Reiner.

“Eren,” he said; he had one large hole, black at the entrance from the heat of the muzzle, tunneled neatly through his skull that Eren could look through them and see the other side of the wall. Blood wormed out, alive and wiggling like yellow maggots.

He went for his gun then found the holster missing before remembering that he unbuckled it and set it on the night table. Couldn’t get comfortable with that shit digging into his ribs and the distance seemed mountainous from where he was. Eren lunged over and cursed because his stupid fingers refused to cooperate and there was a second voice—

“Eren!” Reiner closed on Eren, blood rolling and plopping to the floor with a dense quality of tar. A hand sealed over his screams, muffling the sound.

Tasted the sick metal of copper. Worried whose blood it was; Reiner’s or his victims, the girls Eren failed to save. The girl he’d let die so he could live.

“Stop running, Eren,” Reiner said, the hand at his mouth morphed into inky black claws. The substance of his form became a sticky liquid and dripped down his mouth when he screamed for help—

 

Eren lurched forward, grappling at the air. Did another 360 scan of the room because he couldn’t trust his mind and…

Nothing.

There wasn’t a god damn thing. No person. No monster.

“Fuck,” he collapsed inward, body curled tight, and buried in his face into his quivering hands.

He swallowed down the compulsion to vomit, his palate tasted too close to copper for his liking to pass off event as a bad dream. So he listed out the facts to render the tendrils of a dark dream from his mind.

He was at the precinct. The four blue walls and the furnishings of a neighborhood clinic with it uncomfortable chair and hard carpeting confirmed it. The thread count under his ass was pathetic.

Safe, he supplied on a continuous track.

This was his surrounding—

 

                             — Not that forsaken basement.

 

Levi was in a cell rooms and a floor away from Eren—

 

                     —Not flushed to his back, body exuding violence, the kind that killed and enticed.

 

Reiner had six feet of earth and wooden casket and a decay that started the snail pace process of rot—

 

                              —Not breathing. Not moving. Not drawing air into his lungs.

 

Things that hammered ludicrousness of that moment. Reiner wasn’t and couldn’t be in the same room at this time or any other in the future. 

Someone rapped at the door and called his name. The door cracked open. “You’re up, good. Pixis is here.”

Eren rolled his sleeve back and checked his watch. It was a longer than a power nap. “God, how long was I out?”

Erd walked in and shut the door, sighing into the chair Reiner occupied in his dream. “Long enough for him to tear us a new one.”

“Why didn’t anyone get me?”

“I am now. He wants to talk with you and Erwin. Guess you two are getting it worse if he’s doing it separately like that.”

Or it was a matter strictly concerning him and Erwin and there were few recent developments that involved them.

“It’s not that.”

The agent licked his chapped lips and searched for words, testing out sentences and stopping before he settled on to one. The manner in which he avoided Eren’s eyes displayed his awkwardness.

 “Yea…Back there, with Auruo, I mean,” He rubbed his stubbly chin for lack of having anything better to occupy his hands. Even with a background in law enforcement, emotional intimacy unbalanced Erd the most. “In the force, that’s what matters. You put them down. Don’t matter how.  He’s an academy kid, he won’t get that.”

“Thanks,” he said, knowing this reach Erd was extending taxed the man. It wasn’t done effortlessly so he made sure to communicate his thanks for it.

Erd took that as his queue to abandon the conversation and patted Eren’s back like a child hugging an estranged relative. “Good luck.”

Eren laughed, it was dry and bitter, but he felt lighter. “Yea. I’ll need it.”

 

[x]

               

“You remember everything?” Kenny grabbed Levi by the shoulder, pinned with a look caught like a fly in a trap as it wiggled it tiny legs for purchase but got none.

All of Levi’s bags were already deposited in his dorm so this was their farewell, well as good as those went in the Ackerman house.

The bodies of families and their departing children blended around them like a stone in the river. Excitement, tears of joy, and trepidation masked their faces.

Levi stared blankly behind Kenny as the faces blurred till some didn’t and illuminated in crystalline accuracy. “Yes.”

Years aged Kenny; bagged his eyes, creased and weathered his skin. Poor diet and a poorer lifestyle unapologetically manifested externally.  Booze and stale cigarettes entrenched Levi as he stepped closer and gritted. “Don’t fuck up.”

Conditioned to the sight and smell of his father, Levi didn’t recoil. “I won’t.”

The hand that was once so heavy and callous felt limp and fragile like the collapse of an empire in the presence of a stronger one.

All birds had to leave the nest.

Levi left his and found a world to indulge his baser instincts in.

 

 

[x]

 

 

Eren made a quick trip to the john. Had a blissful piss. Washed the disturbing memory of blood under his fingernails until the skin flushed pink. The good thing was he didn’t retch up the few cups of coffee he had for breakfast. Bad thing, iron still flavored his tongue like a bad after taste.

 When he was lucid enough and his appearance less like a workaholic, he ran over to the room Erd instructed. It was another unused debriefing room with the shades draw and if he wasn’t having some sense of dread, he would now. Privacy meant trouble.

Halting at the door, he listened for voices, hoping to gather a feel of the conversation. They had to be waiting on him because no one was talking.

Into the lion’s den.

Pixis was at one end of the long table with dry erase board at his back; names, photographs, and tactics of investigation drawn on it. It was local as he didn’t recognize any of the victims tapped on it.

The director of BAU motioned for Eren to take his seat as if this was his office back at HQ. He had a receding hairline that he refused to shave and hash crow’s feet at the corner of his eyes.

Not willing to tempt fate, Eren took a chair on the other side of Erwin. He hadn’t regarded at him once since he came in.

Pixis unbuttoned his jacket, reclining back. “Care to explain why I’m just now hearing about this?”

“Sir, I would’ve contact you once I had more understanding of the situation. Ackerman’s attorney is on their way. With so much unknown, I didn’t feel it was right to make the call.”

Under his graying bushy mustache, Pixis’ mouth twitched with displeasure like someone’s dog took a shit on his yard and had the nerve to say it wasn’t their dog.

He was fishing, letting the bait bobble on the river’s surface.

Either Erwin was playing dumb or delaying the collision.

Eren swallowed the lure, ice crystalizing into sharp icicles and slicing up his throat and into his voice. “It’s true. About us.”

Erwin was looking at Eren now, bright and terrifying, and the carefully contrasted veneer of emotional removal crumpled beneath the torrent waves of emotions.

The obvious question followed next, “How long?” clipped and concise like the report on a victim after the autopsy.

He had to gather the same strength to answer it.

_Victim died choking on their own blood. Three to four minutes tops after the killer made a lateral incision left to right, nicking the jugular._

_We’ve been together too long for this not to hurt either of us._

Eren said instead. “A while, sir.” It felt like he was chewing on barb wire.

That would be preferable to what was happening on Erwin’s face. That pain he’d dealt at that moment.  Could name all of them, place them on the spectrum of intensity as they circled Erwin’s heart, paint the colors they inflicted on people.

Looked away when witnessing what he was doing to Erwin, to himself, to their relationship was too great.

“Do you know how much of a dumb fuck this made me look? Ackerman was assaulted by an officer who you assigned to watch him. Don’t get me started on the shit feast going on back at HQ over this breached into our classified files. If Ackerman’s smart he will play this card to fuck our credibility and competence and the media is going to eat that shit right up. Nothing is better than a federal scandal. And now two of my best agents are in furtive relationship despites the regulations and have withheld this information for months.”

“Sir—“ Erwin interjected, color absent from his face as if deprived,  any feelings he might’ve been experiencing were shut down and repressed somewhere far and deep in his arctic eyes. Endless and blue, they reflected mirrors of Eren shrunken and luminous.

“I don’t want to hear it, Smith. This is going above my head now. If either of you approached me any other time, maybe something could be arranged but it’s far too late for that. You have only two options: one of you makes the move to another department, I’ll be kind enough to assign you to unit one, and you can keep this relationship on going. Or, you terminate it and stay in unit two, and restrict your relationship to the workplace.  Am I understood?”

Air seemed to occupy every space but here and Eren’s lungs expanded for it, searching and burning when he couldn’t retrieve it.

Smith stiffened, bones fragile as glass, and nodded marginally as though any more would make him shatter into a thousand pieces, each more crooked and broken than the next. “Yes, sir,” the words sounded chilled and cutting.

Pixis rubbed his temples, taking the pause to recover his usual demeanor. Time passed, measured by the ticks of the clock.

When he spoke again, the anger was dialed back to a hissing simmer.  “I want this case closed.  Whatever you had planned isn’t working; find a way to get Jaeger in that room with Ackerman , Smith. And Jaeger, I want results.”

“I will, sir,” Erwin said, automatic.

“This business between you two,” aged eyes flickered to Eren’s then Erwin’s face but neither of the two were staring at one another, “Either it stops or one of you makes the move. Give me an answer in a week.”

Neither said anything, voices swallowed by the finality of Pixis’ words.

 Eren didn’t want to chance gauging Erwin’s reaction.

What if he was counting on Eren to make a stance against the ultimatum?

Should he react, and how and further to what degree?

What did he want? Could he leave the BAU for Erwin?

The brunet searched the hard cut of Erwin’s profile and decided the answer to that.

The director took their silence as acquiescence. “Smith, you’re dismissed. Get me a status report on Arlert’s location. And call in Dr. Ackermann, if they the insanity plead I want our people to be here first to conduct one.”

That seemed to be it and, honestly, Eren feared he’d be pulled off the case and the fact this was his fear and not the conversation him and Erwin will have to have soon said a lot about himself.

Pixis drew back like black smoke and chewed down his annoyance like a wad of gum. Silence resided a fourth body.

He glanced back to Erwin and Erwin to him, then they exchange a look something that was too infused with warring emotions that the time it’d take Eren to select and label them years would’ve passed, people would’ve aged, and cities would’ve fallen to rubbles.

Erwin made to stand and Eren followed his lead, head working on a second wave of ache.

Except Pixis pulled them short of the door, “Jaeger, stay.”

Erwin loitered, a compliant on his tongue but Eren dismissed it, shaking his head and smiling warmly as if they weren’t about to crumple and shatter.

 _I love you_ , Erwin didn’t verbalize the words but Eren discerned the softness in the swirls of blues. The big give away; the openness.  Erwin had a way about him like an armored fortress, impenetrable. Right here though, the barriers lowered and it was nearly painful to really see the sincere love he had for Eren. And he’d rather Erwin didn’t, that he’d regard Eren with disdain.

He should hate him. It would make what he had to do easier. Eren worked well with dark emotions.

Sat back down before Pixis could get impatient.

Normally, talks with Pixis never gave Eren any reason to worry but now he was singled out, the one on the block about to be chop, and if it wasn’t over the clandestine relationship then what any reason could Pixis need to speak to him privately.

Pixis let the wheels spin. Allowed Eren to test and work theory after theory for why he was here and not out there with the rest of the team cleaning up the mess.

 “Smith brought some concerns to me.”

In light of everything occurring and Erwin still had this talk with the director?

He would shout but nothing about acting like a little shit would convince Pixis otherwise so he tucked his hands under the table, flexed them open and close until his fury relocated elsewhere and not burning in his chest with the intensity of an atomic bomb.

“Said you haven’t been sleeping well. Coming to work testy. Skipping on food.”

Basically, the same shit every person right in the head endured during peaks of stress and this profession ran on peaks of tension and people scraping by on the bare minimum.

“Then he mentioned symptoms of PTSD.”

The brunet snorted and rolled his chair back because sitting down was a bad idea. He paced the length of the room, not too much like a person on the edge of madness but a person on a shit day. Everyone had those days.

“He brought up Ackerman, of course. He wants me to pull you out or at least give you distance and a shrink. But given your relationship, I can’t be sure if this concern stemmed from a real place or over protectiveness. Erwin can’t be objective. So talk to me.”

Eren grumbled. “I’m stressed.”

“Anything else?”

“A bit tired too but not like that’s new to me.”

“What else?”

“I believe Erwin is letting the Braun case cloud his judgement.”

“Do you need time off?”

“No,” he hissed. The last thing that would help him was stepping away from Levi.

“Eren, do you _need_ to step away? I want you on this but if you aren’t in the right mind, there’s nothing wrong with stepping back.”

“What’s going to help me is staying on this case. No interruptions. I can have Ackerman singing for us. I’ll get you every name even the ones we don’t know about.”

That got Pixis interested. “You think he killed more?”

“Oh yea, and I think his father helped him.”

He cursed, shaking his head at the idea. “That will turn heads. The department’s gonna shit itself if that’s true.”

“Make sense though. Look how long he went and how many people are dead. It’s not luck, he knows what law enforcement looks for.”

“But you caught him.”

“I did.”

“How?”

Eren grinned, “Serial killers are my job, sir.”

Pixis gesture for Eren to sit. He did, the raw anger dropping hot coals in his stomach gone.

“There was this case when I was a field agent, guy would snatch little girls around the neighborhood, skinned them, and dumped them all over,” he started.

“The Skinner case?”

“Yea. The trail went cold like most did back then once he took a break. Guess even they need one.” Pixis smirked bitterly.

“But years later, we found another girl, done up like the others, and I knew it was this motherfucker. I  knew it. I wanted this guy for so long. I got it pulled from the cold files and we had dozens of volunteers from every department coming in to get this close. Three months and we had a break. Got a name, planned the arrest, we had twenty SWAT guy plus local cops and the BAU but the guy vanished. Left his house but he made sure to keep the girl down stairs. We didn’t know he kidnapped another girl, y’know how it is so many kids go missing…” He looked down at his hands, seeing the failure on his skin. Clearing his throat, Pixis continued, emotions alive as that day. “The poor thing lost more than half her skin but she was alive.”

“What was his name?”

“Nile Dawk.”   

 

 

[x]

 

 

He went outside for a smoke break. A few other officers had a similar idea and were clustered in small groups, talking and staring out at the parking lot. The lot wasn’t closed off with a fence but there was a guard station in a shack at the entrance and exit of the lot. Mostly it was filled with standard police vehicles and unmarked cars.

He was hitting the bottom of a pack when a couple approached him, from afar they looked like reporters with their pressed clothes and stylized hair, and he cringed. The press were wise to stay lurking at the front of the station. If they bugged him enough then at least one of the uniforms around would turn them back.

He brought a cigarette to his lip, pressed on it, and patted down his clothes for a light.

“Hello,” the woman said and offered her hand to shake. Her eyes were blood shot and red as her hair. “Sorry, you probably don’t remember me but I’m Isabel Church. You talked to my husband and me a while back.”

He examined her face, delaying the search for his lighter.

The man tugged on Isabel’s arm and whispered something to her. “I told my wife not to bother you but…” He shrugged, ignoring the death glare his wife was sending at the comment. “Farlan Church. We’ll let you be.”

Then he remembered, Levi’s friends. They couldn’t even comprehend the questions he was asking them when he showed up on their door step. Isabel stormed off, red in the face with hurt and fury. Farlan sat, voice stolen from the possibility that his best friend was a serial killer.

“Far, just.” Isabel pushed her husband’s hand off and walked back to Eren. “Please. I… I want to talk to him, please. They won’t let us but you’re the FBI, maybe you could.”

Eren pinched the unlit stick between his fingers. “I’m sorry. Even if I could, there’s no way you can talk to him. Not now anyway.”

“Did he do it?” She asked, voice like glass.

“Isabel,” Farlan chastised, looking apologetic at Eren.    

“I’m not at liberty to give you that information,” he droned, voice and body language professional and impersonal.

An un-quivering determination flashed in her eyes, and that voice had the power of a bullet. “Don’t feed me that bullshit!“

Bad tactic, she was too violate to be patted on the back and shipped off with rehearsed lines. He lifted one arm with placating intentions. Her raised voice had drawn some attention to them.

Eren started, soft but firm.  “Mrs. Church, I understand—”

“No. You have no fucking clue. He’s… I love him. I love Levi like a brother… I love him so much and yet everyone is telling me he’s a monster. That I’m a monster for loving him. I saw the news. I heard what he did to those people but I can’t feel bad. I can’t hate him. I can’t. How do I hate him? I should. The right thing would be to hate his fucking guts but I cry wondering if he’s okay. What will happen to him when he goes to prison? Will he still want to see me after this? I’m crying for a killer. So, tell me how you understand my situation. Tell me to go home and wait. Tell me how to hate my best friend. Do that for me.” The conflict warred on her face, divided between anger and heartache and unable to settle on either. All of it was tearing her apart, making question Levi, herself, and her morals. Levi provided support and stability for her and now she was free falling and she had no inkling where she would land.

So how did you hate Levi?

The answer should be —         

                                                  —you do because Levi slaughtered his victims like dogs, put them through the worse pain he could inflict and did it over and over. That was all the reason you hated him. That was how you did it, you thought of his victims and his crimes.

But staring at Isabel, he couldn’t say it. He did before. It was fucking easy to despise people like her who tried to love a monster even with the cold hard facts glaring in crime scene photos and the streaming tears of the family who had to learn to live again, learned to get past this new hatred.

Truth was he couldn’t do that.

Isabel eyeliner ran. “How?”

And he didn’t, but stared back. His mouth opened and closed, void of an answer for Isabel and himself.

 

_I should fucking hate him._

_—I should._

_I know him better than anyone._

_—What he is._

_—What he can do._

_—How much he enjoys what he does._

_I’ve seen his crimes._

_— Now I’m seeing his pain_

_—Seeing the abuse._

_—Seeing isolation._

_There’s—_

_—a boy, at the mercy of an abusive father forsaken from the force (“You’re old. It’s time, Ken.”)_

_—a man, madness embedded far too deep in his bones that he bled black, not red. (“You’re mad.”)_

_—a familiar, his ripples break the water like Eren’s (“Do you see? You’re mad like me.”)_

_Do you see,_

_Do you see,_

_They’re aren’t like you and me._

_You’ll see,_

_You’ll see,_

_That you aren’t so different from me._

 

A voice, black and malformed, it whispered to Eren. It felt like claws and nails were being drilled into his ears.

Because Levi wasn’t some monster crafted and molded from the darkness. He had facets to him. A abusive past. A lonely life.

It was one thing to hate a monster. Hating a human…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your lovely support, i feel me and this fic would be no where without you doves.

**Author's Note:**

> Omg, I'm sorry that A/N was so long but hopefully you guys enjoyed this chap and that you're all ready to learn Levi's story. This is unbated, so there gonna be some mistakes. Thanks for reading.


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